


Acts of Service

by Poppyseed29



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cunnilingus, Drama & Romance, Explicit Consent, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Sex, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-09-05 06:28:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16805275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poppyseed29/pseuds/Poppyseed29
Summary: Rewind to a time when WestAllen was still trying to figure it all out: post Season 1 AU. Iris and Barry struggle to come to terms with the confrontation with Reverse Flash, the fallout of the singularity, the lives that were lost, and the feelings between them that can no longer be ignored.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thought I'd try my hand at an angsty fic, just for fun! Wanted to explore WestAllen (and in particular Iris) sorting out their feelings after Season 1. This probably won't be totally canon compliant, so please forgive any liberties with the timeline :)
> 
> Title comes from The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, since I think Barry tends to express his love in acts of service. A/N I wrote that before the bit in Elseworlds where Ralph says that Barry's love language is touch...lol!
> 
> Promise it will have a happy ending eventually. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

Iris felt hollow. In the days after the singularity, after Eddie's death, it was difficult to see the light. When she first returned to her apartment, the apartment she'd shared with Eddie, the ache gnawing in her chest threatened to constrict the air in her lungs. Her legs wobbled beneath her and she crumpled to the floor.

Despite her dad's concern, she’d been defiant that she needed to be alone. But then the door to the apartment swung shut with a thud behind her, and she realized that Eddie was really gone. She felt trapped inside the walls of their home together. The rational, detached part of her quickly realized her mistake. Being alone right now was not what she needed after all.

She fought to suck in fresh oxygen and focus just enough to control her trembling hands. They felt alien from her body. Somehow, she managed to locate her phone in her pocket and call her dad. At least, she meant to call him. For whatever reason, she'd dialled "Home" which was the landline, rather than "Dad's Cell". So she shouldn't have been as surprised as she was when the voice that answered wasn't her father's. It was Barry's.

"West residence," he answered nonchalantly as if nothing had happened. As if he wasn't the Flash. As if Eddie hadn't killed himself to thwart Reverse Flash's evil plan. As if Barry hadn't thrown himself into mortal danger to save all of Central City. Everything that had happened rushed through her mind at the sound of his voice. She should have been mad. Hell, she should have been livid. But right now, she couldn't feel what she was.

"Barry," she breathed.

"Iris?" His voice shifted from unaffected to apprehensive. "Are you okay?"

"I--" she struggled. "I need to get out of here."

"Where are you?" His tone turned business-like.

"At my apartment," she gasped as a sob threatened to escape her throat.

No sooner did she finish the words than a gust of wind and flash of light announced his arrival. He crouched in front of her, hands on her shoulders. "Hey, it's okay," he said softly. "We can go to Joe's. Just tell me what you need.”

She managed to mumble something about pyjamas and a toothbrush. He zipped around the apartment and returned with her duffle bag slung over his shoulder. "K, let's get you out of here. Just, hold on."

He motioned for her to hold on to him, and she obliged, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. As lightning crackled around them, she pressed her forehead into the warm skin of his neck. The rate of acceleration made her body heavy against his, and a brief sensation of peace eased the tightness in her chest as the world rushed madly by.

Then, she realized, she was on the couch in her father's home. She blinked, disoriented.

In front of her, Barry swung the duffle bag from his shoulder. "I'll put this in your room," he said, cautiously stepping sideways as if he feared to let her out of his sight.

"Could you grab me a blanket?" She croaked, feeling as if she'd been misplaced in the universe.

He looked at her sadly and nodded. "Of course."

In a half second, the warm fuzz of her favourite fleece throw had been draped carefully around her shoulders.

"Thanks, Bear," she whispered.

A heavy sensation was returning to her limbs, but this time it was the weight of exhaustion rather than the laws of physics. There was no point in fighting it. She hadn't slept properly in days. She laid her head down on the cool leather of the couch. Just before sleep took hold, she allowed herself to compartmentalize the pain and thought of the warmth of Barry's neck against her forehead.

↯

Barry couldn't stop moving. The only thing that eased his guilt was the thrum of his feet against the ground or the focus that came with cleaning up the city. The task at hand seemed too great. He worried that even at super speed it would take him forever. But he had to try.

Every night after work he ran. He kept running until the dim glow of dawn threatened the silence of the night. Only then did he return home, arriving each time to find that Iris hadn't moved from her place on the living room couch. She'd been sleeping for days and neither he nor Joe ventured to disturb her. They both knew she needed time. And while she may not have wanted to be in her and Eddie's apartment alone, she also didn't want to engage with anyone. It broke his heart to see her like that.

He’d check on her briefly, refilling her water glass or making sure that the blankets were covering her toes. Then he would head upstairs to try to catch an hour of sleep before he had to get up for work. But falling asleep wasn't easy. Before sleep was when the anger caught up with him. Anger that Wells, no Eobard, had duped him. Anger that Iris now had to grieve the loss of Eddie, when all he wanted in this world was for her to be happy. Anger that Caitlyn, too, had lost Ronnie all over again. They'd all lost so much. And every single event traced back to Barry. It was all his fault.

He'd wake with a start, realizing that there were hot tears streaming out of the corners of his eyes, not feeling like he'd gotten any sleep at all. Then, he'd shuffle out of bed. The driving urge to do something, anything that could make things even just a little bit better kept him running.

At S.T.A.R. labs, things weren’t the same. Cisco had retreated to his workshop, trying to process the betrayal of Wells. Caitlyn had applied to and been offered a position at Mercury labs.

“I need to keep practising medicine, Barry,” she explained, as she told him the news.

“I understand,” he told her. “Really, I do. You should take the job. It’s a great opportunity. It’s better if I’m on my own. You’ll be in less danger if you’re not involved with all of this.”

She smiled sympathetically. “Danger has never stopped me before,” she tried to joke.

He laughed half-heartedly.

“It’s been great working with you, Flash.” She said, stepping forward to give her friend a hug.

“You, too. Dr Snow,” he replied with mock formality as he returned the gesture.

She picked up her med-kit and started to walk towards the exit.

“Caitlyn?” He called after her. She turned to face him. “I’m so sorry.” He’d said it before, but he felt like he needed to say it again. 

She nodded sadly, trying to blink back tears. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, as if she wanted to say something, but couldn’t quite get the words out. Barry tried to imagine what it might have been as she finally turned away, but all he could think of was, “It’s all your fault, Barry.” And that didn’t sound like Caitlyn.

↯

Iris woke up. Her face was stuck to the leather pillows of the couch. Her neck was stiff from sleeping at a bad angle. Her body was screaming at her. She hadn't moved, not really, in so long. She needed to get up.

She lifted her torso slowly and looked around the room. The same old living room she'd always known. Everything had changed, but this room was still the same. It was a strange feeling.

Out of some old habit, she reached for the T.V. remote on the coffee table and flicked on the news.

"Reports of debris disappearing overnight have piqued the curiosity of many Central City citizens,” the anchor relayed.

“That’s right, Cathy,” echoed a man’s voice as it cut to a reporter in the field. “I’m here with area resident Jim Gibson, who set up this stakeout on his street, which as you can see behind me, suffered extensive damage during the singularity.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s him,” a weathered-looking Jim explained to the reporter. “You know, the Flash. Who else could do so much work in so little time? I thought I’d come out here to try to confirm it. He’s bound to come by these parts eventually.” 

Iris’s cheeks flushed with pride as she watched the interview. Jim’s hypothesis made sense. Barry had hardly been home since she’d been there. It was entirely possible that he’d been out, cleaning up the city.

A few days ago, she had been vaguely aware of the front door opening just as the grey light of dawn was peering in through the windows. Her ears recognized the distinct sound of Barry’s tread as he hung his jacket by the door. She’d stayed still and kept her eyes closed. If he knew she was awake, she’d have to say something, and she wasn’t ready to talk to him just yet.

He reached a hand over the couch, pulled the blankets up under her chin and sighed quietly. The sound wordlessly betrayed to her that he was carrying all of it: the responsibility of Eddie’s death, the destruction of half the city, Ronnie…

She’d listened to him climb the stairs and found herself wishing that he’d come back and sit with her. Maybe she could tuck her head against that warm patch of skin on his neck, and he’d hold her for a little while. 

Now, listening to area resident Jim Gibson, who was so convinced that it was the Flash who was repairing the city, she found herself remembering how her body had felt against his as he’d carried her home. Peaceful. Safe. Right.

It was Barry out there. She knew it. And she was proud of him.

This moment of conviction was followed by a pang of sadness in her chest. Or maybe it was guilt. Everything had gotten so complicated before Eddie’s death.

She puzzled over her feelings as she continued to half watch the news.

When Joe got home from work, he took a seat in the armchair across from the couch and fixed her with his _I need to tell you something_ look. She flicked the television off and turned to him.

“They’re arranging a memorial service for Eddie at the precinct,” he said. “I thought you might want to go.”

“Of course,” she replied. She stared at the floor. There was something that she’d been wondering for a while, but couldn’t bear to ask before now. “What do they think happened to him?”

Joe gazed steadily back at her. “That he died in the line of duty. That his body disappeared into the singularity and couldn’t be recovered.”

“Not entirely untrue, I guess,” Iris scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. Hot tears stung the back of her eyes.

“It will be good to get out of the house,” her dad suggested gently, “Get some closure…”

Iris nodded and sniffed. She knew he was right, but she wasn’t really sure how she was ever going to find closure.

“Listen, Iris,” her dad continued, sensing her distress. “You just lost someone that was very important to you. It’s important that you take the time to grieve and deal with those feelings. It’s also important that you know that Eddie made a choice with the facts that he had, a choice that we can’t change now. He would want you to be happy. And when you’re ready, he would want you to move on with your life.” 

Iris tried to digest what her dad was saying. She knew he was probably right, but she was numb and couldn’t process.

“Have you talked to Barry?” he asked, trying to make it sound like he was changing the subject.

“No,” she replied shortly. “Not really.”

Joe sighed. He didn’t like it when his kids weren’t talking. “Maybe you should. He worries about you.”

“I know.”

“He’s going around like he’s got the weight of the world on his shoulders,” he continued.

“I know that, too.”

“Kind of seems like you would both benefit from talking to each other.”

“I’ll talk to him eventually,” Iris conceded. “When I’m ready.”

Joe nodded. “That’s all I ask.”

“Dad?” She asked after a minute.

“Yes, baby girl.”

“I can’t go back to the apartment,” she confessed. It felt good to voice it. “And I don’t think I can stay here either.”

Joe smiled as he stood up from his armchair. “Guess we have to find you a new place then.” He walked over to his daughter and planted a kiss on her head. “I’ll help you look.”

She smiled and nodded. “Thanks, Dad.”


	2. Chapter 2

A pall hung over the crowded auditorium. The whole precinct was milling about in their dress uniforms, following the memorial service for Eddie. Barry hung nervously at the edge of the room, studying the scene. Iris and Joe were at the front with Eddie’s parents, accepting condolences from colleagues, friends and family.

Iris was the picture of mournful grace. One after the other, steady and poised, she thanked acquaintances graciously for their sympathies. But Barry could tell she wasn’t entirely present. There was a glossy look in her eye that indicated a certain level of shock. He wanted so badly to go to her, and throw his arms around her, to tell her he was sorry, and to let it all out. Decorum stopped him.

“Can you believe it?” A stray voice drifted within earshot. “One man, running fast enough to negate a black hole.”

“It sounds impossible,” a second voice replied.

“It’s amazing,” the first voice whispered excitedly. “The guy’s a real hero. They should give him a medal.”

The second voice made a sound of muted agreement. “Shame about Thawne, though. He seemed like a great guy.”

“Yeah. I heard he was going to ask Detective West’s daughter to marry him.”

“Wow, that’s rough. Can’t imagine losing the person you thought you were going to marry.”

Barry’s heart sank, and he moved to escape the audible range of the conversation. He couldn’t help but feel responsible. After all, didn’t Eddie feel like he’d lost Iris before he died? Wasn’t that because in the future, Iris was Iris West-Allen? Hadn’t that played a role in his final decision?

Ever since Barry had seen the by-line in the time vault, seeing Iris and Eddie together hadn’t seemed so bad. Initially, he assumed that things would break off naturally. In time she would come around, realize that she loved Barry. Then maybe they could be together. But now, that fantasy seemed like a delusion. How could she love him after what had happened?

He crossed the room and headed for the door, catching Joe’s eye as he did and giving a nod. He didn’t notice Joe following him until he was in the hallway and heard his name.

“You heading out, Bear?” Joe asked.

Barry nodded. “Yeah, Joe. I think I’m just gonna go for a run or something. You know? Clear my head.”

Joe nodded, knowing full well what ‘going for a run’ in Barry’s world meant. “If you need to stretch your legs, there’s something I could use your help with.”

“Oh yeah?” Barry asked.

“Yeah, if you don't mind, Iris found a new place, but I don’t think she’s really up to moving boxes.” Joe held out a set of keys in the palm of his hand.

Barry smiled half-heartedly. “Superhero and moving service,” he managed to joke.

“Thanks, Bear. It’s 281 5th Ave. Unit 8.”

“No problem,” he replied. “Anything for you, Joe.” _And Iris_ , he didn’t add as he took the keys.

“I packed all her stuff from the old place in boxes, so if you could just run them over. Eddie’s parents are going to sort out the rest.”

Barry nodded. _Oh right_ , he thought. _That’s what happens when you die. Someone has to decide what to do with all your worldly goods._ It was a morbid realization, and Barry could understand why Iris wasn’t up to it.

The new apartment was small. The living room was tiny, and the bedroom barely fit Iris’ bed, but Barry managed to find a spot for all the boxes, and for the few pieces of furniture that Joe had marked for relocation. He was just starting to wonder whether or not to he should try to be helpful and unpack some boxes when he heard a jingle of keys at the door. The deadbolt slid unlocked and Iris tumbled in through the doorway, looking tired but unsurprised to see him there.

“Oh, hey,” Barry greeted her. “Joe asked me to, uh --”

“Dad said you’d be here,” she replied, her voice quiet and even as she took off her heels and threw her purse on the counter. “Thanks for your help.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, no problem. Do you want help unpacking? I can stick around for a bit.”

Iris surveyed the pile of boxes and looked around the room. “Okay,” she said quietly, as she shrugged her blazer from her shoulders. She went into the bedroom and closed the door, presumably to change out of her funeral clothes.

Barry took a box labelled ‘kitchen’ and opened it on the counter. Slowly, without his speed, he started to put things away.

↯

Iris stood at the edge of her bed and reached around her back to undo the zipper on her dress. She’d spent the better part of the day in a haze. As the cloth fell to the floor, she finally felt like she could let the thin veneer of composure drop with it.

Thankfully, Barry had left a duffle bag full of clothes on the bare mattress. She rifled through it to find a sweatshirt and sweatpants. After donning the soft clothes, she gripped the knob of the bedroom door and prepared herself to reemerge. She was going to have to face Barry eventually. After the emotional exhaustion of the memorial, she felt like it might be better to patch things up with her best friend sooner rather than later.

She opened the door but found herself at a loss for how to start a conversation. Instead, she headed for the nearest box and opened it. Her brain took a moment to register the contents. _Books_ , she realized. _Books go on the bookshelf_.

“How are you doing?” Barry asked tentatively, clearly uncomfortable with the silence.

“I don’t know,” she said honestly, as she lined the shelves with her favourite works. “After so many ‘I’m sorry for your loss’es the words start to lose their meaning.”

Barry nodded and watched her expectantly, waiting for her to keep talking.

She searched for words to explain how she was feeling. It was all so complicated. She’d told Eddie that they make their own future and that she wanted to make hers with him. But now that he was gone, the truth was starting to catch up with her. She missed him, of course. She was grieving him, yes. But she was also starting to realize that she may not have followed through on her promise. And she felt awful about it.

“You get used to having someone beside you at night, you know?” she said finally, surprised by her own honestly.

The edges of Barry’s lips turned downwards. Maybe it was sympathy. Maybe it was jealousy.

 _Poor choice of words_ , she scolded herself. _Maybe Barry doesn’t know what it’s like to have someone with you night after night._

She looked around the room, angry with herself and everything that had happened. “Isn’t there a better way to do this?” She asked, unable to hide the frustration from her voice.

He looked up at her curiously. “Oh… do you want me to…?”

“It’d be faster,” she said matter-of-factly.

“I wasn’t sure -- it might be kind of disruptive,” he suggested.

She stared at him unblinking. Until she did blink, and he was gone, replaced by streaks of lightning and a warm breeze. Iris closed her eyes as he circled her at an impossible rate. She let the heat he was generating wash over her. It was strangely soothing, like she was sitting in front of a crackling fireplace. She could get used to the sensation.

When she opened her eyes, the last of the boxes were disappearing, and her belongings were placed carefully around the apartment. He came to a full stop just in front of her, a hint of a smile on his face. His body radiated with a tangible warmth that seemed to close the short distance between them. His eyes sparkled brightly, like the joy of moving at full speed was too great to be diminished by the tragedy they were currently living.

Iris looked up at him, studying his face. She remembered the brief feeling of peace as he had carried her from her old apartment, and imagined that she could understand where his elation came from. She found her hand trailing up to his cheek as she thought about it. The smile dropped away from his face at her touch, replaced by a look of contemplation.

“You’ve never told me how it works,” she whispered. “Not really.”

He breathed deeply, closing his eyes as her thumb grazed his cheek. “When I’m running,” he began slowly. “It’s like, I’m not just me anymore. I’m part of something greater. More universal. The Speed Force. It’s the source of my power.” His voice started to tremble as he spoke, as it had done when he visited her before she knew.

“And the lightning strike combined with the dark matter from the accelerator explosion,” Iris pieced together, “That’s how you became connected to the Speed Force?”

His eyes shot open, now blazing with the same lightning that trailed after him when he ran. He nodded, then blinked, and it was gone. Now she was just staring up into a sea of green.

“Iris,” he breathed, as he looked back down at her, his eyes flitting across her face.

She swallowed, feeling vulnerable under his gaze.

He watched her for a moment, then shifted awkwardly. He rubbed his hand against the back of his neck then said, “I should go… let you get settled.”

As he stepped towards the door, Iris knew he was trying to be respectful. Yet, she felt abandoned. When he left, she would be alone again. Still, it was a new space unburdened by memories of the past. Maybe she could face it.


	3. Chapter 3

The Cortex of S.T.A.R. Labs was quiet. Too quiet. It had been slow for weeks now, at least since Eddie’s memorial. It made Barry anxious, like he was watching a storm roll in from a distant horizon. The thing was, he had no idea what that storm would entail. His stomach knotted as he tried to figure it out.

Maybe nothing would happen today that would require an appearance from Central City’s Scarlett Speedster. Still, he couldn’t seem to work up the will to go home. What if something came up after he left, and he wasn’t there to respond? He had to be ready. 

The sound of footsteps approaching interrupted his ruminations. Turning, Barry recognized the familiar face of his foster father.“Joe?” he asked. “What are you doing here? I promise I’ll be home later…”

Joe shook his head. “Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep, Barry. Besides, I didn’t come here to nag you. I just came to talk to Cisco. Wanted to see how you were doing while I was here, and also to bring you some mail.” Joe handed Barry an envelope, stamped with the return address of _Weathersby & Stone, attorneys and counsellors at law._

Barry took the envelope from Joe’s hand and casually deposited it on the desk in the centre of the room. “Thanks, Joe. I’m good. I wanted to be on call if something…” his voice trailed off. 

“If you’re looking for a case,” Joe started, “There’s a ton of them waiting for you back at the precinct.”

Barry nodded feverishly. “Yeah I know. I’m going to get to that. It won’t take me long to catch up once I sit down and do it.”

“Good.” Joe replied gruffly. “‘Cause I’ve been covering for you with Singh and he’s starting to get suspicious.”

“I’m sorry, Joe,” Barry replied. 

“Don’t be sorry, just make sure being the Flash isn’t taking away from you being Barry Allen.”

Barry blinked. Joe was trying to tell him something. He wasn’t sure what it was. 

“What did you want to talk to Cisco about?” Barry asked, changing the subject. 

“I got the approval from Singh to put together a Metahuman Task Force. We need an expert, and God help me, but Cisco is the only expert we’ve got. Plus, I thought it might do him good to have a little change of scenery.”

“That’s a great idea, Joe. He’ll be safer away from this place, away from me.”

Joe sighed. “If you say so, Bear.”

As Joe turned to leave, Barry felt a question bubbling up inside of him. 

“Hey Joe?” He called. “How — how is Iris? Is she okay?”

Joe turned back towards him, a knowing look on his face. “You know you could always ask her.” 

Barry shrugged and shook his head. “I — I wasn’t sure if she’d want to talk to me.”

“You’re her best friend, Barry. If she’s going to talk to anyone, it’s you.”

The meaning of Joe’s earlier comment dawned on Barry. He’d been so busy trying to make up for what happened as the Flash, that he’d been shirking his duties as a friend. It was one more bullet point on a long list of things that made him feel guilty. But at least he could do something about this one. 

↯

Iris was finding a sense of comfort in routine. Every morning she’d wake up, make coffee, head into work, write the occasional fluff piece, then head home. 

At 6 o’clock, she’d put on the news. The coverage these days was mostly about which parts of the city the Flash was cleaning up.Area resident Jim Gibson did confirm that it was the Flash after all, with a few verified photos of the red streak flitting by his neighbourhood. 

It was comforting to her to see that the city was slowly getting back to normal. Not to mention she didn’t mind knowing that Barry was out there helping. He’d always been the kind that wanted to help. 

She’d lay her head down on the couch and inevitably drift off to sleep, never making it to her bed to find out how empty it felt. In the morning she’d wake and do it all over again. 

So she was surprised when one evening, just after she got home from work,this routine was interrupted by a soft knock at her door. She wondered if it was her dad. But instead, she found Barry standing outside. He towered over her, looking nervous and carrying a stack of pizza boxes. “Joe said he wasn’t sure you’d been eating,” he said quickly. 

She gave a small smile, and stepped aside to let him in. He kicked his shoes off and placed the boxes on the kitchen counter. “I thought maybe we could have some pizza and watch a movie?” He suggested. “You know, like old times.”

Old times. Like when they were kids and Barry was in love with her, but never told her? Or after the accident, when he was the Flash and hid it from her? When she was with Eddie?

“But, I don’t want to bother you,” he backtracked, as he watched a frown cross her face. 

She corrected her transparent expression. As complicated as things were, he was still her Bear, and she was glad to see him. “It’s okay, you’re not bothering me. Here, let me take your coat.” 

She reached out to take his jacket and hung it on a hook by the door, before returning to the kitchen to find some plates. “I’ve been meaning to call my dad,” she said, “but I can’t seem to find anything to say.”

Barry nodded. “I know the feeling.” He smiled tentatively at her, as if asking for forgiveness for being incommunicado himself.

She returned the grin as she handed him a plate, and took a piece of pizza for herself. 

They sat on the couch, eating quietly and flicking through the options on Netflix. It was unspoken that neither of them were in the mood for an action movie, and romance was definitely out of the question. Murder mysteries had never been Barry’s choice of film, and even Sci-Fi seemed to hit a little too close to home these days. 

“We don’t have to watch a movie,” Iris suggested, when it seemed like they’d scanned all of the options. “We could just hang out.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t really in a movie mood anyway,” Barry joked, as he took another slice of pizza. He waited to see if she would speak first, but when she didn’t he asked, “How are you finding the apartment?”

_I’m lonely_ , she wanted to say. But it felt a little desperate and she didn’t want to make Barry feel any worse than he already did. “It’s quiet,” Iris replied.

“I see you got your own coffee maker. How’s that going?” He laughed a little. 

She knew he was teasing her about her culinary skills. “Actually, pretty good,” she said proudly. “Since my stint at Jitters, I never fail to make a good cup of coffee. And since our favourite cafe is still closed…”

“Right,” Barry said, “So by virtue of necessity, you’ve been making your own morning fix.”

She smiled and nodded. “How have you been holding up?”

“Oh, you know. I just try to keep moving.” He rubbed his hands over his thighs nervously. 

Iris noticed for the first time how tired he looked. There were purple circles under his eyes that not even his rapid healing could hide. “You know you did everything you could,” she tried to console him. It was the first time they’d spoken about it directly.

Barry’s eyes turned sad. She recognized the pained look. It was the same look he had after his mom was murdered, and on every anniversary of her death. “I couldn’t save her, Iris. I couldn’t save Ronnie or…”

“…Eddie?” She didn’t need him to finish his sentence to know what he was going to say. 

Barry hung his head. 

She shared his grief, but she also needed him to know the heroism she’d witnessed the day of the Singularity. “Maybe you couldn’t save everyone, but you did save Dr. Stein, and all of Central City, maybe even the world,” Iris pointed out.

“Besides,” she continued, “Future you must have had a good reason to tell you not to interfere the night of your mom’s murder. You have to trust yourself, Barry. I do.”

Barry looked up at her, his eyes glistening. “You do?” He asked genuinely, “Even after everything? After I lied to you?”

Tears stung Iris’s eyes as she reached for his hand. “You know I wish you’d told me you were the Flash. There’s … a lot of things I wish you’d told me. But you’re still my Bear. And I know you always want to do the right thing. You can’t blame yourself forever.” 

He smiled, eyes crinkling, and squeezed her hand. 

Iris reached forward to wrap her arms around him. He returned the embrace and they both sniffled into each other’s shoulders. It felt good to cry. Iris realized she hadn’t cried at all since the Singularity. She’d been so numb. 

And yet, as the warm saline streamed down her cheeks and into Barry’s shoulder, she felt it all. The ache of fear, loss and confusion, but also something warm. Something comforting. Love.

She wasn’t sure how it happened. 

It couldn’t be said who started it. 

But at some point, what began as a simple embrace of solace changed. Maybe it was when Iris found that warm spot on his neck with her forehead. Or maybe it was when she let out an audible sob and Barry’s hands, which had been placed on her back, coaxed her forward into him. But somehow, Iris ended up on his lap — not just sitting, but straddling him. He was rocking her gently, and it didn’t help that it was the most contact with another human being that she’d had in months. 

So suddenly, their innocent hands were grasping at each other, feverishly pulling the other closer. Her hand was massaging his neck, and into his hair, while their cheeks pressed warmly together. It was a dangerous game, all breath and heat and tears. 

Iris felt the blood rush to her cheeks and lips, not to mention between her legs. It would be so easy to pull back and kiss him, to graze and suck at his lips until they couldn’t stand the clothes between them. But she realized with some suddenness, she wasn’t ready. 

Abruptly, she cast herself off of him, and back towards the nearest wall. Her chest was heaving, her mind racing. She looked at Barry, who looked elated, confused and horrified all at the same time. 

“I’m — sorry,” she managed to say. 

He shook his head and stood up from the couch, waving his hands. “No, no, no it’s okay, I shouldn’t have — _I’m_ sorry.”

“It’s okay, Bear,” she said, trembling. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” He looked impossibly attractive, all rosy cheeked and hair stuck out at odd angles. There was a definite part of her that wondered why she had bothered to stop. 

“Iris, I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do,” he said in a low and steady voice, trying to inject some calm into an agitated situation. 

“I know you wouldn’t.” She paced in front of him, twisting her fingers in her hands. _Get a hold of yourself, Iris West._ She breathed deeply to steady herself. Then she stopped and turned towards him. “I think, maybe, it’s time for you to go home now.”

She could tell he was hurt, but was trying not to show it. He nodded, and stepped back, looking like he wanted to say something. And then, in a flash, he was gone. 


	4. Chapter 4

Barry was overwhelmed. In addition to a new murder case that needed solving, there was still so much work still to be done to repair the city. He’d seen the announcement that the mayor wanted to give him the key to the city, which only made him feel worse. It was an honour owed to Ronnie, not him.

His visit with Iris reminded him that Jitters still needed to be fixed up. He hoped that having their regular haunt open again would help everyone feel like things were getting back to normal. He went to work at super speed, removing debris, patching drywall and rewiring shredded electrical systems. He found himself moving and faster and faster, desperate to keep his mind off of everything that was going on. His focus was abated only by uncontrollable flashbacks to that horrible day. 

He could still feel the scrape of sand-like particles against his face, still hear the howling wind, still feared the fury of a force that threatened to pull him apart.

He searched for something soothing to put it out of his mind. The thought of Iris’ thighs under his grip rushed to the forefront of his consciousness: the feeling of their warm bodies shifting against each other, the blood pumping in his ears as she threaded her fingers through his hair,  the draw of her touch as she returned his grasps in equal measure. 

The grating friction. The rush in his ears. The pull of gravity. 

A searing pain shot through Barry’s left index finger. He blinked stupidly as he slowed to a stop. It took him a moment to realize he’d hit his hand with the hammer. 

He shook his head at himself and tried to clear his mind. But he couldn’t rid himself of the feeling of Iris’ cheek pressed ardently against his. 

_God, what was that?_ He wondered as he brushed his hands together, causing dust to float into the atmosphere of the abandoned café.

“You know, if you ever decided that you didn’t want to be the Flash,” said a familiar voice behind him,“You have a good future at being a contractor.”

Barry turned to find Iris approaching. He smiled and breathed a laugh. “Yeah,” he replied, “I’m just trying to put it all back to how it was before the…” But the words got stuck in his throat as he watched her face drop. “ – You know.”

The edges of her mouth flicked upwards empathetically. 

He thought she might want to talk about what had happened between them, but she didn’t address it. Instead, she told him she wanted to cover his efforts to repair the city in an article. He pleaded with her to leave it alone. 

He knew Iris didn’t like taking no for an answer. So when she encouraged him to accept the Mayor’s accolades, he wasn’t entirely surprised. But he wasn’t convinced, either.

It wasn’t until he was at home, mulling it over that it occurred to him that if Ronnie and Eddie couldn’t be there to receive an award, maybe he could be there to represent them. He would tell Central City who the real heroes were that day. It would be small a gesture compared to the sacrifice of one’s own life. Yet, his respects would be the least he could pay towards the debt he owed to both of them.

↯

Iris was done wallowing. After the metahuman attack on Flash Day, she knew they needed to get Team Flash back together. “If you keep getting no for an answer,” she said to her dad, “stop asking questions.” 

Despite Barry’s protests, she told Joe, Cisco and Professor Stein to meet her at S.T.A.R. Labs. They located Atom Smasher in a matter of minutes. Reluctantly benefiting from their contributions, the Flash zipped away to confront the meta, only to stumble back to the lab and pass out in front of them.

“You need to talk to him,” Iris told Joe. “I’m not getting through.” 

She realized how true the words were as they left her mouth. She needed to take a step back. She was still figuring out her own grief, and if Barry wasn’t going to open up to her, she wasn’t going to force it.

But the opportunity to remove herself was short-lived. Soon her dad was on the phone, calling her back to S.T.A.R. Labs, where Barry stood with Caitlyn, trembling and full of emotion. “Wells – I’m mean Eobard – he confessed. He left this video,” he held up the USB key, “he admits to killing my mom.”

It was hard to believe or to comprehend. After so many lost years, an innocent man was finally going to go free, and be reunited with his son. Henry was coming home.

After Henry’s welcome home party, the last thing Iris expected was to find Barry slouched against his headboard, silent tears streaming down his freckled cheeks. 

“Barry?” She asked, knocking softly on his open bedroom door. 

He looked up at her, then wiped his cheeks in embarrassment.

“What’s wrong?” She could tell from the expression on his face that they were not tears of joy. 

He shook his head, seemingly searching for the words. “My dad – he’s not staying. Said he’s going to go find a quiet place somewhere.”

Iris crossed the threshold into his room and closed the door behind her. She sat down beside him and watched him sadly. She understood his distress. Barry waited for years to see his father released. When he finally got that closure, the reality wasn’t how he’d imagined it. 

She wrapped her arm around his shoulders, wishing she could make all of his pain go away. He leaned into her and continued to quietly shed tears. 

Iris felt they’d been here before, the first time Barry had lost his father. She thought back to the night Barry came to live with them. She found him crying and they sat together while Barry rested his head in her lap. She’d wanted to help then, too, but had only companionship to offer. 

This time, she turned her cheek and kissed him softly on the forehead. “It’s okay,” she whispered, as she rubbed his shoulders, “It’s okay.” She pecked him again. 

For a long while, they stayed there, until finally his tears dried and he was silent. There was a contentment in holding him, Iris realized as their breaths slowly synced. With her free hand, she reached for his, and interlaced their fingers.

He lifted his head to look at her and half-laughed a smile. “Sorry to drag you into this,” he said.

Iris shook her head. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. Your dad is going away. It’s okay to be sad. You’re not dragging me into anything.” 

He nodded and leaned his forehead against hers. She smirked, letting go of his fingers and placing a hand on his face.

He was radiating warmth, and his breathing grazed tantalizingly against her cheek. Instinctually, she relaxed, her lips parting. Evident by the flick of his eyelashes down to her mouth, Barry noticed this movement. He clenched his teeth, breathing deeply through his nose as he responded with a hand under her jaw. 

Iris found herself tilting her chin upwards ever so slightly, offering her lips to him. He seemed hesitant, conflicted. He wasn’t going to cross any lines. But his thumb rubbing against her cheek, and his fingers tracing the sinews of her neck, told her that he wanted to. 

Iris was aching. This intimacy between them was so delicate. She wanted to savour and devour it at the same time. Her body signalled to her needily. She wanted more. 

Without a thought for the consequences, she swung a leg over his hips. His eyes widened as she looked down at him, but they both understood. They were picking up where they left off. 

His spine straightened as he wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her into his chest. His body was firm against hers. She pressed her hips down into him as his nose nuzzled the crook of her neck. If she moved her head just slightly, she’d be kissing him. But if she did, she feared she would never resurface. 

The thought scared her.

His hands were trailing to her thighs now, his fingers finding the bare skin just beneath the hem of her skirt. At the contact, an electric spark jumped from his fingers to her skin, causing her to arch her spine forward into him, and tilt her head back in a quiet cry. 

Unable to resist any longer, Barry’s lips grasped at her exposed throat. He murmured softly as his hips bucked up into hers. The pressure was satisfying and further kindled Iris’ desire. In a decisive movement, she shifted backwards, reclining towards the mattress. As she moved, she pulled him forward and over her, until her head came to rest at the foot of the bed.

Iris never knew until that moment how intoxicating the weight of Barry on top of her could be. Wordlessly, he understood her reservations about their lips meeting. Instead, he focused on kissing her neck.

Her arms rested over her head, implying complete surrender. As he kissed her, he reached up to find her hand dangling over the edge of the mattress. Their hands connected, fingers intertwined, and he pressed his palm seductively into hers. He continued to concentrate on relaxing her, his lips working relentlessly against her neck. 

For the first time in months, Iris’ mind cleared. The only thing she could feel or think about was the feeling of Barry’s lips on her pressure point, his warmth and the weight of him. It was everything she needed. 

She let him take charge as he angled his legs between hers and gripped the fabric of her dress at her hip with his other hand. He was gently rocking her now, the lean mass of his thighs brushing against the heat of her centre. Her mouth fell open as her mind floated away to some heavenly plane. All that existed was the feeling of their bodies shifting against one another. 

Her cheeks burned and her lips pulsed. A small gasp involuntarily escaped her lips. Encouraged, Barry pulled her hips further into him, as he bucked into her in a steady rhythm. 

She mewled quietly, beginning to writhe beneath him as the blood feverishly rushed between her legs. She was throbbing now, so close to the edge. Higher and higher he drove her, until finally, she crested with a cry. Ripples of pulsating waves pounded in her centre, washing over her in a sense of complete bliss. 

They stilled. 

Iris relaxed into the mattress, breathing heavily. Their hands, still intertwined above their heads, dangled off the edge of the bed. Barry raised his head to look at her. His cheeks were flushed and lips were swollen. She was so tempted to reach forward and capture his mouth with her own, but she couldn’t. She kissed his cheek, instead. 

She wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry at what they’d just done. Confusion was starting to set in. 

_What do we do now?_ She wondered. 

She wanted to return the favour. She reached for the button on his jeans, ready to be of service, but he brushed her hand away with his own. Perplexed, she searched his eyes. He shook his head. “Not like this,” he whispered, almost inaudibly.

She frowned as he sat up. She missed the feeling of his body almost instantly. 

Her chest was aching again. She sat up, too, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. 

Barry’s eyes grew distant as she surveyed him. 

She’d come into his room out of concern. When she found out why he was so sad, she’d wanted to make it better. Now she feared she’d made it worse.  “I should go,” she said, wanting to put some distance between them, “Get back to writing my article.”

She expected him to protest, but he simply said a quiet, “Okay.” 

“I’ll see you later?” She asked.

He nodded. 

She touched his hand gently, then she left. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you so much for all of your comments. I truly appreciate them. It's always a little nerve wracking to share writing with other people, and it's such a nice feeling to receive such positive feedback! Thanks for being a very welcoming community! <3
> 
> This chapter is a little different. Iris' part originated from a drabble that I wrote piecemeal before beginning this story. 
> 
> Barry's part I originally wrote in the present tense because I thought it allowed me to scan over time a little more nimbly, but my beta suggested it was too much of a change. So if you notice any past tense/present tense conflicts, please ignore.
> 
> I'm already working on the next couple of chapters so they should be coming soon! Is anyone mad if I don't include the Francine/Wally storyline in this AU?

If numbness was what Iris felt after the singularity, then bothered was what she was feeling now. In quiet moments at work, or when she was home alone she tried to figure it out. Recently she’d been making an effort to name her emotions. It made her feel in control. 

She was _annoyed_ with herself for crossing the Iron Curtain of her and Barry’s platonic relationship. Twice. 

She was _guilty_ because she felt she owed more time to Eddie, to grieve his passing. 

And _bothered_. Bothered because… well perhaps she wasn’t ready to explore that one just yet. 

But when she did allow her mind to wander, she found herself returning over and over again to a memory that made her cheeks burn. 

It was in eighth grade and she was lying on her stomach, homework spread across Barry’s bed as they studied for their upcoming biology test. Their class had been focused on the most awkward of all units: the reproductive system. She’d been eager for it to be over. There would be a lot less snickering from Tony Woodward and crew at the back of the class when they moved on to the skeletal system the following week. 

At that time, Barry and Iris studied together for their shared classes. This particular afternoon was no different. Barry sat quietly at his desk, summarizing his notes, while Iris monopolized the full surface area of his mattress. 

Barry had been going through one of his quiet moods. Especially in biology class. She’d found it odd, since anything to do with the sciences usually sent him into an excited rant. She’d wondered if he was coming down with something, and kept a close eye on him between note taking. She noticed his ears and cheeks were a little pink, and figured it was a cold.

He was concentrating intently as he furiously scribbled into his notebook. He paused only occasionally to nibble on the end of his pen. Iris admired his focus and wished she could control her attention. She’d attempted to turn back to her textbook, and re-read the paragraph she’d started reviewing earlier. 

“I don’t understand,” She said. “It says, ‘ _When the male completes the sexual response cycle semen is released…_ ‘ — what do they mean completes the cycle?” She’d looked up at Barry for an explanation. He always had an answer for her questions. 

He didn’t look up from his note taking, but his pen and eyes stilled. “I uh — I think it’s referring to orgasm,” he’d replied softly. 

“What’s an orgasm?” Iris asked, loudly and innocently. 

Barry still didn’t look at her, but his cheeks went a deep shade of crimson. “It’s… kind of like a muscle spasm,” he described clinically. 

Iris wrinkled her nose. “Sounds painful.”

Barry’s eyes flitted sideways at her and then back down to his notes. “I — I think it’s supposed be… nice.” He reached for his glass of water and sipped it, swallowing loudly. 

Iris thought about it. The closest association she could come up with was waking up in the middle of the night with a charlie horse in her calf. That didn’t sound very nice. 

“Have you ever had one?” She’d inquired, curiously. 

“Iris — ” Barry groaned.

“What? I just wondered.”

“It’s kind of — personal.”

“Oh, sorry.” She didn’t meant to pry, but she was just curious. “How do you think it happens?” She asked after a few minutes. 

Barry sighed. “Can we not talk about this?” He shifted uncomfortably. 

“Why not? We talk about everything.” 

Barry had looked thoughtful for a minute. “This is different.” 

That was how their Iron Curtain first went up. Barry enlightened her and sparked in her a certain curiosity. At the same time, he defined the limits of what could and could not be discussed between them as friends.

Little did she know, years later she’d be laying on her back on that very same mattress and he’d be showing her exactly what an orgasm was.

She never told him back then that she’d figured it out for herself. It was a few weeks after their conversation. Barry’s explanation of “It’s supposed to be… nice,” echoed in her mind until her curiosity got the better of her. 

After a little internet research and some surprising results, she’d decided to take matters into her own hands. One afternoon when Barry was still at school for Chess Club, and her dad was at work, she locked her bedroom door, slipped off her jeans and laid in bed. Tentatively, she’d slipped a finger beneath her underwear and found a soft spot beneath her nub that felt good when she rubbed it. After some frustration and experimentation, she found a rhythm that seemed to work and soon she was throbbing pleasantly. 

In the present, she found herself equally curious and frustrated. She’d finally returned to sleeping in her bed. The couch felt off limits since their heated grappling. This morning, she lay there in an agitated state, reviewing in her mind what had happened in Barry’s room. 

The whole situation was weird. They’d seen each other a few times since it happened, but always when others were around, and they always pretended like nothing had occurred. It was a secret moment of intimacy that neither was ready to confront. 

Iris was impressed and baffled. No one had ever made her come like that, with so little skin-to-skin contact. How was it that her sweet, adorkable Barry could light her on fire so easily? The whole thing made her realize how medicinal the contact was, and how the release was something that she needed.

It was just that, right? The release. It wasn’t anything more. 

She was just sad, and grieving Eddie, and needed the comfort. And Barry. Barry was figuring things out just as much as she was. He didn’t have feelings about her anymore, right? That’s what he’d said when he was going out with Linda. 

She recalled how his eyes widened as she got on top of him, and thought about how she could drown in those emerald pools. She remembered the weight of him on top of her, and how it had soothed the constant knot in her chest.

She thought about what it might be like to kiss him. It felt strange at first, picturing kissing Barry, but she allowed her mind to follow it through. What kind of lover would he be?

She imagined going to visit him at work. The tension that was building between them would be too much. They wouldn’t be able to keep their hands off of each other. Maybe he would back her against the pillar in his lab, hike up her dress and unbuckle his jeans, sink slowly into her, and thrust slowly and passionately until they couldn’t hold back anymore. 

Or maybe she’d be the instigator. She’d push him against the edge of the desk and unzip him there while he whispered, “Iris, not here.” Of course, his protests would fade as soon as her mouth closed around the length of his cock.

It felt sinful to picture him in these situations. _Bothered_ was what it made her. So bothered, that she had little choice but to take care of matters herself. 

But when she finished, lying sweaty and released, she felt a new emotion: mortified. She realized she needed to put a stop to whatever it was they’d started. 

↯

_Bullshit._

That’s what Barry thought when he heard Jay’s story. 

_Who is this guy anyway?_ He wondered. _We’re just supposed to believe that he was innocently following us around for six months? That he wasn’t carrying out some ill-conceived plot?_

Didn’t that sound like someone else they knew?

Barry didn’t have much more time to think it over, because Cisco was calling him. There was a fire down at the docks that needed to be put out. The Flash was there in an instant, successfully extinguishing the flames, right before he was knocked off his feet by – sand?

CCPD returned to the scene in the morning. Something didn’t add up. Barry was giving Joe the rundown of where he found evidence of arson, when this brightness lit up the warehouse in the form of a bubbly young detective. 

Patty was all rosy cheeks and golden hair, not to mention smart as a whip. Barry only heard half of what she said because he realized that she was paying flattery to his work. A pretty girl had never talked about his work like that before. 

She finished explaining how she pretty much solved the crime for him. Not that she said it like that. That was Barry’s analysis. 

Then he realized that she wasn’t trying to impress him. She was trying to impress Joe. His suspicion was confirmed when she explained that she wished to join Joe’s metahuman task force. He found himself joking with her about Joe’s ‘no code’. Her smile was so sunny that he couldn’t help that it came out a little flirtatious. 

It was a nice distraction. 

When he got back to S.T.A.R. Labs, Caitlin was finishing testing Jay. The speedster from Earth-2 told them that they are up against Sand Demon. He seemed like he wanted to help, but Barry still wasn’t buying it. 

Caitlin returned Jay to his cell, while Cisco went to check up on Professor Stein, leaving Iris and Barry alone in Cortex together. 

They’d seen each other a bunch of times since it happened. But they haven’t been alone. There was a pregnant pause where neither of them spoke. Barry shoved his hands in pockets, hunched his shoulders a little and meandered over to her. 

There’s no definition for what’s happening between them. But he knew it was something.

He reached out a hand and touched her cheek. “Hi,” he said, softly.

“Hi,” she replied, shifting away from him a little bit.

He pulled his hand away again, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. “So,” he began nervously. The slight taste of bile rose to the back of his throat. “Should we talk about what happened?"

“What do you mean?” She asked, shrugging her shoulders a little and grabbing her purse like she was getting ready to leave.

“About what happened... after the party for my dad?”

Iris gave him look like he was being crazy. “What exactly did you want to talk about?”

His mouth gaped. He wasn’t sure anymore. He thought maybe they could address it. Break past the unspoken tension \-- get it all out in the open. But her body language was telling him it was too soon. Instinctively, he felt defensive. 

“Hey, you’re the one who got on top of me,” he deflected, turning his shields to full power. He realized that it was the worst possible thing to say as soon as it came out of his mouth. 

Iris’ eyes lit with fire and brimstone. He couldn’t have matched it with his lightning if he tried. And then her eyes were welling, and she turned away from him. 

This wasn’t what he wanted when he started the conversation. He reached forward to stop her by catching her hand and pulling her back towards him. 

“Iris, please,” he begged. Her arm stayed rigid, resisting him, but he managed to bring her close enough that he felt the pull of her gravity. He never had a very good poker face, so he laid all his cards out in a whisper. “I made you feel gooddidn’t I?” It wasn’t a boast. It was a need for validation, confirmation that he hadn’t dreamt it all. 

She raked her eyes across him fiercely. He knew it was all anger and not attraction. “Proud of yourself?” She snapped, hiking her purse over her shoulder. She misunderstood him.

He shook his head and reached for her other hand so that he’s holding both by their sides. She let him, but didn’t reciprocate. “No – I just want to know what’s going on with us,” he said finally. “What are we doing?”

She pulled her hands away. “We’re not doing anything, Barry.”


	6. Chapter 6

Barry’s heart was on the floor. He supposed he should be used to it by now, but it didn’t make it any easier.

It took him a couple of weeks, but he eventually found a way to compartmentalize, and stop thinking about Iris every other second. Getting drawn into Snart family drama helped.

He found himself drinking more coffee than usual. Stopping at Jitters two or three times a day became an extra activity to fill the time. He ran into Patty there. Twice. The second time they laughed about it and said they should just make a schedule. Then she handed him her number.

“That’s what you meant, right?” She asked, after seeing the look on his face.

He was surprised, but not in a bad way. “Uh -- yes!” He stuttered awkwardly.

“No,” she replied, clearly embarrassed. “No, you didn’t.” She started to ramble, in a way that made him smile, because it kind of reminded him of himself. She backtracked, saying that having her number might come in handy for work.

He grinned. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I was thinking, too.”

Patty turned to leave, then adorably realized she’d left her coffee in his hand, forcing her to come back. As he watched her go (for real this time) he thought it might be a good thing to have her number.

The following week, she flagged him down at work because she’d found the teeth of a shark-man. It sounded weird, but not impossible given everything happening in Central City. Barry was intrigued, but felt the need to cover his identity as the Flash. He quipped a line about metahumans not really being his thing. The look Patty gave him in return told him she was crestfallen. He realized she was just trying to get to know him better, and he agreed to run some tests.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were flirting with my partner,” Joe chided Barry, after observing him and Patty.

Barry tried to dodge the subject, but Joe wouldn’t let it go. Later, in the precinct bullpen, Joe broached it again. “What is up with you two anyway?”

Barry shrugged a non-answer.

“Bear, you can’t take your eyes off that girl.”

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you,” Barry said. “She’s great. She’s adorable and funny and we have a lot in common but…”

“ -- But?”

“I dunno. She’s not Iris, I guess.”

Joe gave him an understanding look. Then he encouraged his foster son not to let that hold him back from exploring something new.

Barry took the advice to heart. He mulled it over whenever he got a spare moment, weighing possible outcomes. He let himself think about Iris on top of him and how amazing it felt to press his hands and body into hers.

Then he remembered how she pulled away from him. _We’re not doing anything, Barry_. It echoed in his mind while a pit hardened in his stomach.

He knew that somewhere, deep down, Iris had feelings for him. But maybe, in this universe, the conditions would never be right for her to realize it. She’d been through too much with losing Eddie. He didn’t want to force her, that wouldn’t be right for either of them. But he also realized that he could spend forever waiting for Iris. Part of him would _always_ be waiting for her.

Then he thought about Patty’s smile, and the lightness he felt in her presence. She was unburdened by everything that weighed him down. Maybe he needed that in his life right now.

↯

“Great! That’s great. She’s great.”

When Iris learned that Barry was going on a date with Patty she tried to be supportive. _Patty is lovely,_ she thought to herself. _Why wouldn’t Barry want to go on a date with her?_

But she was also having this strange physical reaction like she was going to pass out or throw up. Or both.

 _What right do I have to feel like this?_ She wondered.

Jealousy. That was the name of this emotion. She realized it with some alarm, because if she was jealous, there must be something she was coveting. Not something. Someone. Barry.

Vomit was feeling more and more like a possibility as the reality of her emotions started to catch up with her. She tried to distract herself from the nausea by focusing on finding a way for Barry to go on his date, despite having been temporarily blinded by Dr. Light.

 _Of course, he has to go. He can’t back out now._ Not to mention that keeping busy was mandatory if she was going to mask the way she felt.

When he left S.T.A.R. labs for his date, she scolded herself again. _What did you think was going to happen?_ _Did you expect him to just wait around forever?_

Maybe she did. Maybe she took for granted that Barry would always be there as an option.

Now he was moving on, and Iris was realizing how much she regretted pushing him away.

At home, she tried to distract herself from the voice in her head incessantly repeating _Barry is on a date with Patty_. She found it hard to keep her mind off the fact that if everything goes well, he might kiss her.

 _Or worse_.

For a brief moment, she envisioned what _worse_ might look like, and felt herself fill with green-eyed rage. _Worse_ was something Barry was only supposed to do with her.

Iris couldn’t deny it any longer. She may have put the breaks on whatever it was they’d started, but her heart was still running full speed ahead.

↯

“I think -- another thing, too -- you can’t see me.”

There was no pulling the wool over Patty’s eyes. Barry laughed, folding under her powers of observation and confessing everything. Well, a version of everything.

As they left the restaurant, Patty gently suggested that he hold on to her.

“Please don’t let go,” he half-joked as led him down a flight of stairs, “I may trip.”

A dim glow was visible now, indicating that his vision was returning. But the feel of Patty’s hand in his was nice, so he didn’t let on.

They reached her car, and he ventured to test the waters. “Well, do you think we’ve reached the goodnight kiss stage?” He asked.

She took his hands and places them on her face so that he could find his way to her. A pink shadow crossed his sight as he drew her in. The gentle caress of her lips meeting his sent a pleasant cocktail of chemicals rushing from his brain into his bloodstream. It was nice. His mind cleared as he focused on the diverting sensation.

When he opened his eyes again, he could see.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be a tough chapter for all my fellow WestAllen shippers. Sorry! They will figure it out eventually, I promise. If you don't want to read Barry/Patty stuff, skip to the second part of the chapter.

Joe had given Barry some advice that was now reverberating in his head. He needed to focus on what brought him happiness in life. As he thought about it, Patty’s face flashed in his mind. Right now, she was what was bringing him the most happiness. He took off for CCPD, needing to find her.    
  
As he lunged up the stairs of the precinct, he heard a bright laugh echo from around the corner. Barry knew that if he followed the sound he would find Patty. Sure enough, there she was. The mirth on her face illuminated the dim institutional halls of CCPD. She was like a lighthouse to a sailor.    
  
“Hey,” she greeted warmly as she saw him walking towards her. “Have you seen this video of babies’ expressions as they go through tunnels? Their faces are priceless! I’m not —“ She paused noticing the intensity of Barry’s face as he approached “— baby crazy or any…”   
  
She fell quiet as Barry pressed his lips to hers and pushed her gently back against the pillar behind her. There was a new heat and urgency between them, and Patty needed little coaxing to respond to him. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer. He held her hips pinned against the wall as they kissed.    
  
“Wow…” she whispered, breathless. “What did I do to deserve that?”    
  
Barry shook his head slightly and smiled. “I’ve just been thinking about what makes me happy… and getting to know you makes me happy.”    
  
“We should do more of that, then,” she replied.   
  
He nodded, and kissed her again, this time rubbing his thumb against the bare skin of her hip, accessible just above her belt line.    
  
“What do you say we get out of here?” He whispered.    
  
Patty bit her lip and nodded. “Okay, yeah. Just let me grab my stuff.”   
  
She ducked away, but not before she’d entwined her fingers in his. She trailed her arm behind her as she headed to her desk, pulling Barry along with her.    
  
“I’m parked out back,” she said, snatching her keys and purse from her desk. Barry nodded and they headed for the elevators. The doors shut behind them, enclosing them in privacy for a minute. Barry couldn’t help but turn to her again and pull her into another kiss. She wrapped her arms around him again as their tongues touched briefly. The quiet chime of the elevator doors interrupted them as they arrived at ground level.    
  
“Come on,” he said softly, taking her hand and leading her out towards the parking lot.   
  
Patty giggled softly and fumbled with her keys as they got into the car. “Um, my place or yours?” She asked, blushing. The colour in her cheeks made her glow, and Barry found it irresistible.    
  
He reflected on their destination options. Joe was on the night shift, so they’d have the place all to themselves. “Let’s go to mine,” he offered.    
  
The air inside the car seemed charged with anticipation. He placed a hand on her knee as she drove, his fingers reaching with just a hint of suggestion as he rubbed softly against her inner thigh. He couldn’t be sure, but he thought that Patty’s breath was quickening under his touch.    
  
As they arrived in the driveway, Barry practically jumped out of the car and ran around to Patty’s door to open it for her.    
  
“Ever the gentleman, Mr. Allen,” Patty laughed as she took his hand and followed him into the house.   
  
As soon as the front door closed behind them, their mouths snapped together again like magnets. He peeled her jacket from her shoulders and removed his own before leading her wordlessly up the stairs.   
  
Once in his room, he hooked his fingers around her belt loops and pulled her in again, each kiss growing more intense than the last. His fingers grazed against something metal at her hip, and he pulled back for a second to see what it was.    
  
“Oh,” she laughed, as she pulled back her blazer to reveal her badge and cuffs. “I forgot about those.”    
  
“Right,” he replied as she moved to unhook them from her belt. “Well, you never know,” he joked, taking the cuffs from her hand. “We might need these later.”    
  
“Really, CSI Allen? You surprise me.”   
  
He smirked and tossed them on to his desk. “I can be surprising.”   
  
“I’m sure you can,” she laughed, as he continued to kiss her, pulling her towards him as he stepped backwards, inching towards the bed.

Her hands were quickly around his back, under his t-shirt, lifting the fabric away from his skin and over his head. They reached the edge of the bed and he sat back on the mattress, inviting her to climb on top of him with a gentle tug of her hands. She complied and straddled him as he lay beneath her. 

Barry knew where they were headed, and while he was excited, he was also nervous. It had been a long time since he’d gone this far with a girl. The last time he’d done anything with a girl was on this mattress --  _ No _ . He told himself.  _ Don’t go there _ . 

Instead, he let himself wonder for a moment what he would do if he accidentally lost control and revealed his powers. But he reminded himself how much he’d been training, and how much more in control he was now than when he first got his powers. He could do this. 

His fears were displaced from his mind as Patty leaned forward to kiss him, the soft waves of her blonde hair falling around her face as she did so. She kissed his lips, then his cheek and jaw before finding a sensitive spot on his neck. Waves of shivers rippled down his spine as she sucked softly, and he found his hands wandering towards her breasts autonomically. 

There was too much fabric between his fingers and her skin. He hitched her shirt up slowly, and she straightened up to finish removing it herself. Underneath, a black satin bra cradled her breasts teasingly. Furious to eliminate the garment’s mockery, he sat up and reached for the clasp behind her back. He struggled for a minute before Patty started to laugh. 

“Having a hard time there, tiger?” She teased. 

Barry blushed. “Yeah,” he murmured a little embarrassed. 

“Let me.” She reached around her back and dispensed with the lingerie in one swift movement. 

Barry’s cock hardened at the sight of her breasts. They were small but round, perky, and perfectly pink. Without a second thought, he leaned forward to take a nipple in his mouth, and it pebbled instantly as he did. Patty tossed her head back with a little gasp and bucked her hips against him at the sensation. It excited him that he could have this effect on her.

As he continued to flick her nipple with his tongue, his hands meandered around the small of her back and dipped beneath the belt line of her pants. He scraped his fingers against the still unrevealed skin beneath. She responded by tugging at his belt buckle and unzipping his jeans. For a minute, she leaned back off of him to slide his pants down his legs, and throw the denim to the floor. 

He sat forward to return the favour, unbuttoning her slacks and slowly, agonizingly, sliding them down her shapely legs. 

“Hang on a sec,” she whispered, darting away from the bed before he could protest. Barry was momentarily confused, but was soon distracted by the great view of her perfectly round butt in a pair of black satin underwear that matched her bra. He caught himself before he started to drool, and it was a good thing, too, because Patty returned a moment later with a condom. 

She smiled and gave a seductive laugh. “Always come prepared,” she quipped.

“Scouts honour,” he teased back. 

She leaned forward to kiss him, let her tongue find his, and rocked her hips slowly, grinding her pelvis over him. The friction was tantalizing. He slipped a finger under the silk of her underwear and pulled slightly, indicating he wanted to take them off. She lifted up, allowing him to slide them most of the way down her legs before she kicked the skivvies off of her toes. 

“Fair is fair,” she taunted, tugging at the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down over his hips, freeing his cock and launching the last piece of clothing off of his legs. 

Being naked with Patty was a freeing feeling. His skin tingled against her’s, and he felt a surge of electricity pump through his veins. He worried for a minute that he might lose control and go into hyper-vibration mode. But then he focused, breathed, and found a sense of calm amidst the excitement. 

While he was finding a state of zen, Patty reached a hand around his length and pumped him slowly. Not that he needed it, given how keyed up he was. The sight of her rubbing him, while she bit her lip and watched him was almost enough to make him come. 

She leaned forward and caught his mouth in hers, before letting out a little moan. “Barry,” she whispered, “I want you inside of me.” 

Her eyes locked with his, and he nodded. She reached for the foil of the condom, tore the side of the package open and flipped the rubber down over his cock with impressive expertise.

“Ready?” She asked.

He nodded fervently, gazing at her with heated eyes as she positioned herself over him. Then, she was sinking her weight down onto him, and he was enveloped in the warm, lush feeling of her core. He let out a low grunt at the sensation. It was amazing. At first, she was tight around him, then she began to adjust. “You lead,” he managed to breathe. 

She did just that as she reached out to grab the headboard above him. Her breasts hung beautifully over him, and he felt his cock throb inside of her. She rolled her hips in a steady rhythm, grinding down on him with intensity. 

Barry’s eyes rolled back into his head for a minute, and he realized that he was groaning loudly. He opened his eyes again to find Patty, mouth open, eyes closed and moaning. 

Barry instinctively followed her movements, as she pulled against the headboard, anchoring herself as she rode him with strength. He clutched a hand to the round flesh of her ass, encouraging her movements, then found her tailbone and rubbed gently up and down. Patty shuddered, and he swore he could feel her getting hotter and wetter around him. 

“Yes, Barry,” she gasped. “Oh, that feels good.”

“Uh huh?” he egged her on.

“Uh huh, yeah.”

“Has anyone ever told you, you have an amazing ass?” He found himself asking in a husky voice.

Patty giggled. “Once or twice,” she admitted. 

He smiled back, before cupping her breast and tweaking a nipple between his fingers. Her lips parted in a loud, surprised cry. Barry quietly thanked God that Joe wasn’t home. 

He thrust up into her, and her legs writhed around him in response. Barry closed his eyes and felt like he was falling backwards into a black hole of bliss. Blood pulsed in the head of his shaft, building with familiar pressure, and he knew he was getting close. 

He was sure Patty was, too. Her legs and hips convulsed and seized, as the throes of orgasm turned her temporarily rigid. She cried out, collapsing down against his chest. The pressure of her climax tightened around his length and he continued his movements in quick succession as her heat bore down around him. Soon, his cock was throbbing and pumping as the pressure broke through with his own frenzied orgasm. 

He clutched her against him. Their skin was hot and sweaty against one another’s. Barry’s whole body was numb and relaxed. He kissed her repeatedly and held her tight. After a few minutes, she moved to roll off of him and sighed contentedly as her back sunk into the mattress. 

“Wow,” Barry whispered as he stared up at the ceiling. 

Patty laughed. “That good, huh?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, still trying to find fresh oxygen. “Though, I’m not sure good is the right word.”

“Oh really?” Patty asked, rolling towards him on her side and propping herself up on an elbow. 

“No, I think maybe… explosive might be more apt.”

“Explosive?” Patty laughed, though she seemed complimented.

“Yeah, like, as explosive as that time that I mixed a bottle of glycerol with a bucket of potassium permanganate for my seventh-grade science fair.”

At this, Patty totally lost it in a fit of laughter. She curled up in giggles, unable to control herself. Barry laughed back, mostly amused by her reaction, until he started to get a little nervous. Was she laughing at him?

“Alright… you know it’s not actually  _ that _ funny…” he said as he reached for a pair of sweatpants and pulled them up over his legs. 

“I think so,” she gasped through her laughter. 

“Believe it or not, guys don’t love it when you laugh at them after doing what we just did.”

“No, I’m not laughing at that,” Patty replied, still chuckling. “That was … nice.”

Barry grinned back and nodded at her in agreement. 

“I’m laughing because you decided to mix glycerol with an oxidizing agent for your seventh-grade science fair project,” Patty continued. “Why?”

“I sincerely thought that if I started a chemical fire, I would win,” he explained.

“What?” Patty laughed in amazement.

“I got an A!” Barry protested. “And I got suspended,” he added more quietly.

“Sounds like you won then,” Patty giggled. 

Barry laughed back. “I think so.”

↯

Iris didn’t think she could regret pushing Barry away any more than she already did. That was until the hissing crackle of lightning and a rushing wave of wind disrupted the newsroom. It didn’t sound like Barry’s lightning. She knew the tone of it well by now. Instead, it was metallic, frantic, violent. 

She turned to find the same monster that abducted Linda. Zoom. 

Zoom was dragging someone by the neck. Someone limp and critically injured. Someone in red.

Iris watched in horror as he lifted the broken figure of the Flash for all to see. 

Iris’ stomach fell away completely. In fact, she wasn’t sure she had insides at all. 

_ Barry is dead.  _

She thought for a moment that she was dying, too. 

In a blaze of blue light, Zoom disappeared, taking her world with him. 

When Caitlin called the relief was overwhelming. “We have him,” the doctor said. “He’s here. He’s alive. We’ve managed to stabilize him, but you should come down here.”

Iris wasted no time. She made it to S.T.A.R. Labs in record time for a non-speedster. With the okay from Caitlin, Iris sat by his bedside, holding his hand. 

They’d been like this before, hadn’t they? The thought caused Iris to burst into tears.  _ What if he doesn’t wake up for another nine months? _ There was so much she needed to tell him.   
  
“Iris?” Caitlin asked softly. “Are you all right?”

She sobbed in response. Caitlin stepped towards her and placed a gentle hand on Iris’ back. “I can’t lose him,” Iris gasped when she finally reemerged.    
  
“I know,” Caitlin replied, soothingly. “We’re doing everything we can to make sure that doesn’t happen.”   
  
“I feel like it already has,” Iris volunteered, aware that this confession was entirely out of context for Caitlin. The doctor blinked quizzically but didn’t press the matter. 

Iris stayed for what seemed like forever before Caitlin decided to send her home. “We’ll call you if he wakes up. His condition is stable, he will come to eventually. You should get some rest.”

As she left S.T.A.R. Labs, she noticed Cisco hunched over a monitor in the Cortex, tapping his pencil incessantly upon the desk. Harry was beside him, rubbing his eyes. A half-dozen empty Jitters coffee cups were clustered around them. No one would be getting much rest tonight. 

In the morning, Iris awoke from a fitful sleep to her phone ringing. Cisco was calling to say that Barry was awake. “He’s okay, but there’s been a complication.”

“Oh?” Iris asked.

“He can’t feel his legs right now. Caitlin says it will heal given his abilities, but he’s going to need some time.”

“Is it okay if I come in?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t it be?” Cisco replied. His tone told her that he was completely ignorant of what had been going on between her and Barry.

When she arrived, Caitlin was checking on his vitals. Iris took a seat quietly in the corner of the room, while Caitlin gave him an overview of how she expected his body would heal, given the current rate of cellular regeneration. Iris could barely register what the doctor was saying.

Caitlin seemed to catch on. She smiled apologetically. “I’ll give you two a minute,” she finished. 

Barry stared at the ceiling, unwilling to meet Iris’ eyes. They’d been getting along just fine before this, so where was this tension coming from? A lump formed in her throat and tears welled in her eyes. 

“When Zoom brought you to CCPN, I -- I thought the worst,” she managed to say.

“I’m okay,” he said dryly, even though it was obvious that he wasn’t.

Iris knew that tone. It was the one he used to tell people he wanted to be left alone because he was feeling sorry for himself. 

_ Tough _ , Iris thought. 

She approached his side and took his hand. He didn’t reciprocate her hold. “Barry, I --” She wanted to tell him so badly what she’d been feeling recently, but she stopped herself. There was Patty, after all. She didn’t want to encroach on territory where she didn’t belong.

She settled on, “I’m sorry there’s this strange thing between us.”   
  
Finally, he looked at her, if only briefly before looking away again. “There’s nothing between us,” he replied in the same dry tone. “Or what were the words you used?”

It was vindictive, but she knew he didn’t mean it. He was just broken and humiliated. 

“K,” she said softly. “If you needed some space, you could have just said so.” 

She swallowed the lump in her throat and released his hand. Out in the hallway, she slid down against the cold cement wall, sucking in jagged breaths between sobs. She cradled her face in her hands and wondered how it ended up like this between them. 

In the days following, she made sure she was present but still kept her distance. Slowly, Barry relearned how to walk. Eventually, he started to run at normal speed, but couldn’t connect to his power. Caitlin’s analysis was that it was psychosomatic. 

They all tried to encourage him, but it didn’t seem to help. If they couldn’t get through to him, maybe there was someone else who could. 

Iris put her reporting skills to use. It took some effort, but she was eventually able to locate Henry Allen, despite him being practically off-grid. No news of what had happened to his son had reached him. When she showed him the videos, Henry looked as if he had received a swift kick to the gut. Iris reassured him Barry was okay, but that he was stuck in a rut. 

Henry responded with exactly what she was hoping to hear. “I think,” he said, “I might be able to help.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!
> 
> This chapter follows the show closely but adds a little interpretation. The story will start to deviate more from canon after this.

When Barry was back on his feet he had to face Patty. She wasn’t buying his ‘sick’ story. He decided to tell her the one part of the story that he could. His dad was in town. She made an effort to challenge him, but he won her over eventually with a sly smile and a bit of teasing. 

The next few weeks between them were good. They had fun. They stole kisses at work when there was a moment alone. Some evenings they’d go home together -- mostly to her’s, as Barry felt weird about Joe being in the next room at his place. He became so absorbed in the newness of it all that he almost totally forgot the tension between him and Iris. 

Then the nightmares started.

Every night, it was the same. He’d be out with Patty, and they’d be having a great time. She knew he was the Flash, and it was no big deal. It just made them closer. Then, at an unexpected moment, Zoom would appear. He’d seize Patty and take her away. Barry could never get to her in time. He wasn’t fast enough. And so the dreams always ended the same way: with Patty’s death. 

He’d wake with a start, heaving and gasping for air. 

Tonight was no different. He accidentally woke Patty with his startled cries. Concerned, she placed a hand tentatively on his back, as he sat up at the edge of the bed. “Barry?” She asked, “Are you all right?”   
  
He nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay,” he said, turning towards her. “I was just having a bad dream, that’s all. You can go back to sleep.”

She gave him a concerned look. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head. “I can’t really remember it now,” he fibbed.   
  
“Okay,” she said softly. “If you change your mind, I’m here.”

“Thanks,” he said. “You know… I think I might sleep better in my own bed. If … that’s okay.”   
  
He tried to ignore the hurt look she was giving him. “Yeah, if that’s what you need,” she replied quietly.

He leaned forward, kissed her on the forehead and patted her hand. “I’ll call you tomorrow?”   
  
“Okay.” There was disappointment in her voice, but Barry didn’t hear it. 

  
↯

Iris was visiting with her dad at the precinct when Patty approached her, wanting to talk about Barry. Iris pasted a smile on her face and tried her best to be kind. She was envious of Patty’s relationship with Barry, but in all fairness, Patty didn’t know the whole history. She didn’t deserve to be the recipient of any frustration Iris may have been feeling. 

“Why don’t we get some coffee,” Iris suggested. Patty nodded and they headed across the street to Jitters. 

“I know this is probably weird because he’s like your brother,” Patty began once they were seated. 

_ Oh girl, _ Iris thought to herself, _ if you only knew how much that’s not true. _

“But I was hoping that you might think that I was good for him, and want to help me figure him out.”

Iris thought about it. She couldn’t deny it. Patty  _ was _ good for Barry. He’d been happier over the last couple weeks than she’d seen him in a long time. At least, he seemed that way whenever she’d had a chance to see him, which wasn’t very often. 

“You’d be the first,” Iris replied, making an effort to hide the suggestion that she was also trying to figure him out. 

Patty laughed. “Oh great, that gives me tons of hope.”

Iris forced a smile. 

“It’s just…” Patty continued, “He’s being… not distant, but -- ”

Iris thought back to the way Barry had acted with her before she found out he was the Flash. “ -- Guarded?” Iris offered. 

“Guarded.” Patty agreed. “And he’s been having these bad dreams and not telling me about them.”

Iris’ stomach twisted. She blinked as Patty’s statement sunk in. So they  _ had _ slept together. 

Patty continued talking, but Iris didn’t register it all. A wave of sadness was washing over her. She knew she should be happy for Barry. He hadn’t had a serious girlfriend since college. He deserved to find someone. But weren’t things moving a little fast between them? It was unlike him to rush into things. 

Looking back, she supposed he held back with other girls because he had feelings for her. If he was ready to move on with Patty now, then perhaps he’d gotten over her. Part of her hadn’t wanted to believe it. 

“Here’s the thing,” Iris phrased carefully. “Barry has a bad habit of carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Burdens that aren’t even his to bear.”    
  
“But he doesn’t have to do that with me,” Patty said.   
  
Iris gave a half smile. She could see why Barry liked Patty. She was open, caring, honourable. Just like him. “Which is exactly what you should tell him.”

That evening, Iris’ headed to her father’s house for family dinner night. The tension was still palpable between her and Barry. Given the invitation to a mid-week family dinner, a rare occurrence, Joe had likely noticed. Her dad prepared their meal in the kitchen while Iris waited at the dining table. She was avoiding talking with Barry, who was sitting on the couch, checking his phone every other second. 

Unable to take the silence any longer, Iris commented, “You’ve been quiet this evening.”

“Mmm yeah, just had a lot on my mind,” he responded. It was that same cold, dry tone he’d used in the med bay. 

“The Turtle?” Iris asked, trying to get him to open up.    
  
“How do you know about that?” He asked.    
  
“Caitlin and I talk,” Iris replied.    
  
“No, it’s not that.” He shook his head, his tone softening slightly. 

Iris waited for him to say more as she refilled her glass of wine. He didn’t. “Patty?” She prodded. 

Barry finally looked up from his phone, his brows knitted in confusion.

“We … may have met for coffee,” Iris confessed.

“Iris…” Barry scolded, his voice low and annoyed. She understood why. The last time Iris had talked to a girlfriend of Barry’s she’d unwittingly derailed their courtship by revealing that Barry harboured unrequited feelings for her. 

“She really cares about you, Barry.” Iris continued, trying to show her support. “And she’s just wondering why you’ve been so guarded.”

“And what did you tell her?” Barry asked in an accusatory tone.

“I told her to talk to you,” she replied, trying to convey that she hadn’t said anything improper. 

Barry hung his head, “Oh, that’s not cool.”

“She said you’ve been having nightmares?” On the surface, Iris intended this to be a question that would get him to talk to her. Deep down, she was also looking for a confirmation from his end that he really had slept with Patty. 

Barry nodded. “About Zoom… killing her.”

Iris swallowed. She knew that must have been awful for him. She was also surprised at how he hardly batted an eyelash while confirming her worst fear. She nodded, trying to hide a frown. 

Something occurred to her then. The reason why Iris had been so taken aback when she found out Barry was the Flash was not only because he had been lying to her. It was also because she found herself thinking that if she had only known, if she’d had all the pieces of the picture, she would have made different decisions. If she’d been able to reconcile her lifelong affection for her best friend with the schoolgirl crush she’d had on the Flash, and realize those feelings were really two sides of the same coin, maybe she’d have realized sooner that she had feelings for Barry. Strong feelings. Deep feelings.

If Barry was happy with Patty, she didn’t want to stand in the way of that. But she  _ was _ determined to see him handle this relationship differently. 

“Look,” she said. “I know things have been moving pretty fast between you two...”   
  
He nodded in confirmation. Her gut twisted further.

“But you realize that you can’t keep things from her forever right? One day you’re going to have to tell her the truth.”

“That I’m the Flash? I can’t do that.”

“Barry, I wish that a year ago you had told me the truth.”   
  
“So, what, you think I should just tell her?” He shrugged.

“I think,” Iris began, “That if you are serious about being with her, you have to.”

Barry nodded, digesting what she’d said to him. “All right then,” he resolved. “Then that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll tell Patty I’m the Flash.”

↯

When Barry woke up in S.T.A.R. Labs after the Turtle’s attack at the art gallery, he cringed. “Patty’s going to think I ditched her,” he explained to the team before dashing off. 

As he ran to Patty’s house, he reflected on how he’d prepared to tell her who he really was. He’d been ready to come clean about everything, despite Harry’s warning to keep her away from the dangers of his secret life. Then, his confession was interrupted by the Turtle’s arrival at the art gallery. Patty had almost gotten seriously hurt, and it was because of him. It weighed on him.

Was that what he wanted for her? To live a life constantly adjacent to danger? If he was going to find a partner in life, he realized, it was going to have to be someone who could share the risks and roll with the punches, someone who could be beside him as Barry  _ and _ as the Flash. He needed someone who could become part of the team.

Patty was brave, no doubt. She hardly blinked when the line of duty led her into precarious situations, such as facing down a giant man-shark. Barry tried to picture her working with the team at S.T.A.R. labs. Strangely, he was having trouble formulating the image.    
  
He gave up just as he arrived at Patty’s door. He knocked softly.

When she opened the door, her eyebrows were knitted, and her grey eyes were taking on a particular shade of steel. 

“I was right,” he said. “I thought that you would look mad and you do.”

Patty turned away from him, leaving the door open behind her. It wasn’t exactly an invitation, but it wasn’t a door slamming in his face, either. He cautiously entered and closed the door behind him. 

Patty was more than mad. She was confused and upset. Barry couldn’t blame her. He’d feel the same way if he was in her position. But the more she pressed him for an answer, the less he felt like giving her one.

“We’ve been having fun,” she told him. “And fun has been so great. But I’m getting to the close part now. That’s where I’m going. That’s what I want. You need to figure out what you want. And do it fast.”

He left, feeling confused and like he’d gotten in trouble. Why couldn’t he just tell her? Wouldn’t that have made everything better? If she knew, she couldn’t have been mad. What was wrong with him?

Barry walked home at normal speed, his head hung low. He kept trying to envision a future where Patty was with him at S.T.A.R. labs, but no matter which situation he tried to picture, it never felt right.

_ If you are serious about being with her, you have to _ , Iris’ voice echoed in his head.

He was serious about Patty, wasn’t he? Being with her was the first time his romantic stars had aligned in a long time. He couldn’t throw that all away just because he was having trouble picturing the future.

_ I wish that a year ago you’d told me the truth _ , Iris’ voice continued in his mind. 

He wondered if things would have been different if he’d told Iris sooner. Maybe they wouldn’t be in such a mess. Maybe they’d be together. Could he afford to lose another important person in his life, just because he couldn’t find the strength to be honest?

As he reached the door of the West house and unlocked it, he resolved to find a way to tell Patty first thing in the morning. 

At work the next day, he approached her with a smile, asking if they could talk. Really talk. 

Patty declined his offer, citing work that she had to do. When he pressed her she cut him off. “Barry, I’m leaving Central City.”   
  
He felt like she’d slapped him in the face. In fact, he would have rather that she did. He wasn’t prepared for what she was telling him. She was saying that she’d always wanted to be a CSI, that she was going to Midway City University to attend the forensic science program. From the sounds of it, she was keen to leave everything behind. Including him. 

Patty was leaving — exiting his life just like everyone else that had ever mattered to him.

At first, he felt bitter about it. While he’d been ready to tell her he was the Flash, she seemed to be ready to give up on them completely. Slowly, the real reason dawned on him fully. This was why he’d been having so much trouble picturing their future together: because it wasn’t the right thing after all. She was not the right one after all. 

He was surprised when she caught him one last time in his lab. “Barry, I know you’re the Flash,” she declared. 

His reaction was visceral and immediate. “I’m not him,” he protested.    
  
Patty pressed, but he couldn’t confess. It was just not a part of his life he was willing to share with her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken me so long to update! I got a little stuck on this chapter, but I hope you enjoy.

When Iris heard that Barry and Cisco were planning to head to Earth 2 to help Harry rescue Jessie, she felt a fresh sense of panic. She suggested to her father that they have a family dinner the night before Barry’s departure. Joe agreed without hesitation.

Before the dinner, she helped her father prepare the lasagna, wondering all the while what it would feel like to run through the breach, between universes. Would it be safe? Would Barry come back? 

Her mind wandered to the feeling of his arms, while he ran her from her old apartment to the safety of her father’s house. She remembered the peacefulness of the moment and wished she could feel it again.

After the meal, she asked her dad to give them a minute alone.

“Barry, I want to make sure you’re not doing this because you feel like you don’t have anything left here anymore,” she told him.

He shook his head and explained that that wasn’t his reason for going, that he loved his life on Earth 1 as the Flash, and that he loved her and Joe. Her heart warmed at his reassurance. She wasn’t sure what kind of love he meant. Recently, it felt like they were growing apart in a way that could easily become their new norm. She was glad to hear he still had affection for her.

When dinner ended and she prepared to depart, she found herself asking him, “Would you mind walking me home?”

Barry looked at her questioningly. “Okay,” he agreed, though he looked a little confused. He grabbed his jacket and stepped outside, then headed down the stairs of the front porch expecting Iris to follow. 

“Actually,” she called after him, as she closed the front door behind her, “ _—_ I was kind of hoping we could... run?”

He paused and turned back, his brows knitted as he surveyed her face. Slowly, he climbed the steps again, meeting her where she stood. He looked down at her and nodded before he knelt slightly. In a swift movement, he scooped her up in his arms. She laced her arms around his neck as he stepped forward. They launched into the night at an impossible speed.

Iris recognized the sensation of her body growing heavy against his chest while the lightning crackled around them. The soothing warmth of his energy was familiar, too. Her eyes closed and she rested her head against his shoulder. She wished it could last.

All too soon, they were still again. Barry was releasing his hold on her and setting her on her feet outside of her apartment door. She opened her eyes and looked around, disoriented. Reluctantly, she released her hold on his neck.

She managed to find her keys in her pocket and open the door despite the lingering dizziness. She stumbled as she crossed the threshold, tripping clumsily forward into her abode.  
  
“Careful there,” Barry said softly. He reached out to catch her elbow, and followed her into the entranceway, making sure she was steady on her feet. 

“Just... a little dizzy,” Iris said, laughing it off.

“Better dizzy than puking,” he replied with a grin. “Diggle does it every time.”

Iris looked up at him and soaked in the mirth on his face. It had been so long since he’d smiled at her like that.

 _Too bad he’s about to leave for a whole other universe_ , she thought. A sinking feeling crept into her stomach. She wished he’d stay.

Her front door hung open awkwardly. She glanced at it, knowing the ache that would follow if he stepped back out into the hallway. Compelled, she stepped forward to close it. When she turned back to him, she found he was watching her intently, like he couldn’t quite figure her out.   
  
She wrung her fingers while she tried to figure out what to say. “I was hoping…” she began, “That we could talk a little before you go?”  
  
He shrugged his shoulders slightly. “Yeah, sure, if that’s what you want.”

It was a colder response than she was expecting. Which was why she knew that what she was going to say next was necessary.  
  
“I’m sorry,” she began. “For what I said. When I said that there was nothing going on between us.” The words were hard to get out.

Barry was still watching her with curiosity. She thought she spotted a tiny glimmer of hope in his eyes, but as soon as she did it was gone again.  
  
“It’s just _—_ I was thinking about Eddie all the time.”  
  
At this, his face dropped. A mixture of recognition and shared grief replaced his previous expression of resolute indifference. “I know, Iris,” he said softly, looking at his shoes. “I’m sorry I was short with you, too. That wasn’t the way to handle it.”

Iris nodded. She wanted so badly to reach forward and hug him, but her feet felt glued to the floor.

Barry shoved his hands in his pockets and stepped forwards towards the door, mumbling, “I should head out. Big day tomorrow.”

His actions stirred something in her. She wasn’t willing to let him go _—_ not yet. What if he never came back? She reached for his wrist while he reached for the door. He stopped abruptly at the contact and turned to her for an explanation.

Quietly, shyly, she looked up at him and asked, “Barry, would you stay here tonight?”

“I _—_ ” his head tilted and he gave her a pained look. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Iris.”

“Please,” she whispered.

His features softened, and he nodded. He stepped towards her, entering her personal space, examining her eyes intently. Iris could do nothing but return his gaze.

“I’ll sleep on the couch,” he said, breaking the silence.

The words made Iris feel like she’d been punched in the gut. It was an overreaction, she knew. Barry was trying to be respectful. Still, this wasn’t exactly how she’d imagined things going. Then again, what did she expect to happen? It wasn’t like she’d planned it out.

“Oh,” she uttered in response.  
  
“What?” Barry asked, honest confusion in his voice.

“Is that _—_ is that what you want?” She asked, breathlessly.

His face turned slightly cross, and he heaved a sigh. “What do _you_ want Iris?”

Iris searched for words. _I don’t know_ , she wanted to say. But that wasn’t true, was it? What was she afraid of? That he didn’t reciprocate her feelings anymore? Hadn’t Barry mustered the courage to tell her how he felt once, even though there was no guarantee she could return his affections?

 _What if it changes everything?_ Asked a voice in her head.

 _What if everything becomes better?_ Asked another.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately,” Iris finally said. “About us.”

His eyes widened, but he said nothing.  
  
“Barry, I know that a lot has happened. I know that when you were dating Linda you told me that you didn’t have feelings for me anymore. And I know it’s all been so complicated with Eddie’s death, and losing Ronnie. But then we were _—_ on my couch _—_ and in your room _—_ and then Patty…”

Iris was rambling. She couldn’t stop the onslaught of words tumbling out of her mouth. There were tears starting to well in the corners of her eyes, and her breath was hitching in her throat.

“I thought Zoom killed you,” she continued, “and I didn’t know how I could ever go on if you weren’t here, and I realized _—_ I don’t even know if this is something that you want anymore, but I feel like I want _—_ I need you here, with me. I need you to come back. I want to be with y _—_ ”

Before she could finish her sentence, Barry was stepping towards her, reaching for her face with both hands, drawing her in, tilting his head, caressing her cheeks and placing his lips on hers.

His lips were soft and sweet and for a moment her mind went blank. All she could feel was the sensation. His mouth moved tenderly on hers, sucking in her lower lip and touching his tongue gently to the captured flesh, seeking more from her. 

Kissing Barry, she discovered, was an intoxicating elixir. It was every bit as all consuming as she feared it would be when she avoided kissing him when they'd sought release in his bedroom. Every bit, and more. This time, Iris wasn't afraid anymore. This time, she wanted it. 

She sucked in what little air she could between them and relaxed into it. She parted her lips to respond in kind and found his tongue with her own. In the back of his throat, he hummed a soft sound of pleasure. His hands dropped to her waist, encircling her body and pulling her closer into him, lifting her slightly, coaxing her to give more and more of herself to him as they kissed and kissed and kissed.

Her hands were at his neck and in his hair. She reached upwards with her whole body for his mouth, standing on tiptoe, trying to get closer to him. Her movement caused them to stumble slightly, as Barry shifted his weight backwards, receiving all of her enthusiasm.

Iris was ready. Ready for whatever might come next between them. She wanted it all, everything. But Barry pulled away. She was startled by his movement, like she was going into the shock of withdrawal. Her mouth hung open slightly, waiting for his lips to return to hers.

Instead, he swallowed slowly and looked pensive, eyes cast down at his shoes. He held her shoulder at arm's length like he needed the support, but also the distance. When his eyes greeted hers he spoke in a soft tone. “I should sleep on the couch.”  
  
Iris’ stomach dropped, but she silently agreed. At least he would be here with her.  
  
Barry headed into the living room and took a seat on the couch. Iris was rooted to the spot where his lips had last touched her’s. She couldn’t seem to find the will to move.  
  
After what seemed like forever, Barry craned his neck over his shoulder and said, “Iris?”

“Yeah?” She answered, her voice just an escaping breath.

“I’ll always want this.”  
  
A wave of relief washed over her, and she finally remembered how to move her legs.

While Barry made himself comfortable, Iris went to brush her teeth and take off her makeup. She couldn’t get the sensation of his lips off her mind as she changed into her pyjamas and climbed under the covers of her bed. A fluttering feeling was building in her chest. She was excited by this new development between them. At the same time, she was dreading Barry’s impending departure.

She laid awake in bed, staring up at the ceiling for what felt like hours, straining to hear him moving or breathing. She wanted to know he was still there, still alive. It was no use. He was so quiet.

Eventually, she got out of bed and went to the living room. As promised, he was curled in an uncomfortable looking position on her sofa, which was altogether too short for his long body. She sat beside him and he stirred. His eyes flitted open with a start, indicating that he had fallen asleep.

“What’s up?” He asked sleepily.

“I can’t sleep,” she said.

He looked at her thoughtfully. They’d done a similar dance to this one as children. It started when Barry would wake from nightmares about the Man in Yellow. It continued in high school when Iris was upset over a disagreement with her father or a friend.

“All right,” Barry said decisively as if he knew what she was after. He sat up and grabbed her hand. “Come on,” he said.

He led her innocently to the bedroom and held up the covers while she climbed beneath them. He was ready to release the comforter over her, tuck her in and rub her back until she fell asleep, but Iris shook her head. That wasn’t what she wanted from him this time. Instead, she grabbed his hand and tugged slightly, inviting him to lie down.

Barry gave her a hesitant look. She beckoned unwaveringly with her eyes until he conceded, and climbed onto the mattress beside her. She tucked his hand around her stomach as she turned away from him, pulling him into a spoon.

He kept still but held her tightly. She savoured the warmth of his body against hers and the steady rhythm of his breathing and heartbeat. It was a feeling she could get used to. It felt right. It felt like home. Calmed and reassured by his presence, she drifted off to sleep.

↯

Barry woke as the sun streamed in through Iris’ window. His nose was still tucked against her neck, and his arm was still wrapped around her waist. They hadn’t moved since they’d both fallen asleep.

He sighed quietly, and shifted away from her, trying not to disturb her as he got out of bed.  
  
She looked so peaceful.

This was what he wanted: to wake up next to her every day for the rest of their lives. His chest ached thinking about it.

Everything between them had been so confusing since the Singularity. On more than one occasion it seemed like Iris was on the precipice of realizing that she had feelings for him. Usually, this followed with her pushing him away. Last night she reeled him in again. It was pretty much the confession he’d been waiting for his whole life: she _did_ have feelings for him.

If she’d let him, Barry would love her unconditionally until the end of time. But first, he needed to keep his promise to Harry. He needed to go to Earth 2.

Everything on the other side of the breach was familiar yet foreign. Detective West, Barry was surprised to find, was not in fact Joe. Instead, it was Detective _Iris_ West who stood before him, looking a dream in her wide leg pants, wielding a self-assured sense of authority that made Barry’s blood rush southward.

The situation in his trousers was not abated when she shoved him roughly against the wall of the corridor and devoured his lips. “Wh-what are you doing?” he asked, surprised, pushing her away.  
  
“What? I think a little office P.D.A. between husband and wife is okay,” she teased.

His head was spinning. “Husband, and wife?” Disoriented, he waved at her as he said _husband_ and to himself as he said _wife_.

“Yeah, that’s what happens when you do the vows, exchange the rings _—_ Where is your ring? People should know you are a taken man.”

Before he could really wrap his brain around it all, she was taking him home. To _their_ home that they shared _together_ .  
  
It turned out that Earth 2 Barry had everything he’d ever dreamed of: a living mother, a free father who had never been convicted of murder and wrongfully imprisoned, a happy marriage with Iris, a great career at CCPD.

 _Allen, don’t get sucked in_ , Harry’s voice echoed in his mind. Easier said than done.  
  
As Iris led him up to their bedroom to get changed before Joe’s show, he realized it was already too late. He was in deep.

It didn’t help that their bedroom was warm and inviting. Barry wandered over to what was clearly his side of the bed, given the trinkets on his bedside table: a photo of Iris, a small model spaceship, a pair of cufflinks. His gaze scanned the mattress and he allowed himself to imagine what kind of activities his Earth 2 counterpart and this Iris might have enjoyed in this room.

She caught the dazed look on his face and chuckled before checking her watch. “I guess we do have a few extra minutes,” she said eyeing him from head to toe, before she sauntered over, her hips waving suggestively beneath her silk chemise.

Barry was confused. He knew this wasn’t his Iris, but everything about his senses was telling him it was. It was so tempting to give in, as she untied his bowtie and trailed a long finger down his neck. When she started kissing his jaw, it took everything he had to push her away. “Wait _—_ Iris _—_ maybe… not right now.”  
  
Her expression turned perplexed.  
  
“We don’t really actually have _that_ much time,” he tried to say.  
  
The look of confusion dissipated from her face. She smirked. “Oh, _I_ see how it is. It’s one of those nights, is it?”

It was his turn to look confused. He was even more surprised by the sensation of cool metal sliding around his wrist. He looked down to his hand and his eyes widened.

He didn’t know how she’d managed to do it without him noticing. Iris had handcuffed him to the headboard.  
  
He gulped.  
  
She was looking at him with fire in her eyes. He was in so much trouble. “Oh God,” he whispered.

Iris chuckled as she approached him, slinging an arm around his neck. “Mhmm, that’s it baby,”

“No, wait, Iris _—_ ”

She pressed a finger to his lips. “That’s Detective West to you, you no-good dirty scoundrel.”

“Scoundrel?” His cheeks flushed, as she gave him a gentle but firm push back towards the mattress.

“Mhmm. I’ve been after you for years, and now I’ve finally caught you.” She climbed over his hips, straddling his legs, pinning him in place.  
  
Barry’s body responded instinctively to her advances, but his brain was telling him to slow down. “Iris, wait _—_ ”

“What did I say about referring to me with respect?” Her voice turned stern in a way that Barry was sure would have the average perp shaking in their boots. To his surprise, the only shaking he was doing was trembling with excitement. It frightened him how much this game heated his blood. “Don’t make me have to teach you a lesson,” she warned in a low voice.

Barry thought of the Iris on his Earth. He thought of their embrace in the entrance of her apartment, of her lips on his, of the warmth of her body spooned again his just the night before. They were on the verge of something. Something amazing that he’d been waiting for his whole life, he was sure of it. The fact that their Earth 2 doppelgängers were married only served to solidify this belief.  
  
He couldn’t just be going to other Earths and kissing other women. Even if that other woman was Iris’ doppelgänger. It wasn’t really his Iris, no matter how similar she looked, or talked, or... smelled.

“Please, Iris, I’m serious,” he pleaded.  
  
Iris leaned forward to whisper with him, breaking character for a moment. “You know we have a safe word, right Bear? If you’re really asking me to stop, you can use it at any time.”  
  
Barry swallowed. He had no idea what that safe word might be. He couldn’t let this go on. Risking everything, he phased out of the cuffs and grabbed her by the shoulders.

Iris was startled. Her muscles seized under his touch, and she raised a hand reflexively to push him away. “Wh-what did you just do?” She asked, her eyes wide with a mixture of shock and curiosity.

“Iris _—_ I’m sorry, I’m not Barry. I mean I am Barry _—_ ”

Iris was scrambling away from him now, backing herself against the far wall of their bedroom.  
  
“I am Barry,” he repeated. “I’m just _—_ not your Barry.”  
  
She was trembling now, and he hated to see her look so afraid. “I don’t understand,” she stated.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said, holding his hands up to show he had no malicious intentions. “I’m Barry… from another universe. Where I come from, I’m...the Flash.”

Iris’ mouth gaped as she tried to digest his words.  
  
“I came here with my friends to try to stop Zoom. He took the daughter of one of my friends captive and we’re trying to locate her. I tried to pose as this Earth’s Barry to gather intel. I didn’t know… any of this would happen.” He gestured toward her and around the room.

She hugged her silk robe around herself tightly. “Where is my husband? How do I know you’re telling the truth?”

“He’s fine. He’s at S.T.A.R. Labs with Harrison Wells. We can go get him if you like. As for the truth, I need you to trust me. All I can offer you is that I’m a version of your husband from Earth 1 _—_ that’s what we call our universe.”  
  
Iris squinted at him, trying to decide whether she believed him or not.

“Please, Iris, I would never hurt you.”  
  
“But you would lie to me,” she challenged.  
  
His heart sank. “I didn’t know I would have to lie to you when I pretended to be this Earth’s Barry. Where I come from… we’re not married.”

This news seemed to make Iris sad. “We’re not?”

Barry shook his head. “No.”

“Are you _—_ are you married to someone else?” She looked panicked.  
  
Barry laughed. “No, not at all.”

“That’s why you weren’t wearing your ring. Any ring.”  
  
He nodded. “I am... hopelessly in love with you, though. With my Iris, I mean.” It was a strangely easy confession to make. “Always have been.”

She smiled. “Not so different from my Barry, then.”

“We differ in other ways,” he said, returning a grin.

She laughed. “Apparently.” Her face fell into a frown. “What about me? Don’t I love you back?”

Barry heaved a sigh and thought about it. “I have this feeling that deep down you do. And I think you might even be coming around to realizing it. But it’s been hard for us _—_ there were things that happened in our lives that threw us into close proximity too soon in life. And then there were other things that … kept us apart. It was hard to understand what we felt _—_ what we _feel_ for each other. We’re … trying to sort through it.”

Iris nodded pensively. “If what she feels for you is anything like what I feel for my Barry… well. Let’s just say that it’s a feeling that must span the entire univ _—_ er _—_ multiverse. Give her time. She’ll come ‘round.”  
  
Her advice was welcome. It settled some of the confusion and anxiety he’d been burying all day. It gave him hope for when he would return to his Earth. He nodded in reply.

“Can I ask you something?” He voiced.  
  
She nodded.  
  
“Would you help me? Find my friend’s daughter? Maybe I could pretend to be your Barry for just a little longer. Then we could go get your husband, and I’ll go back to my Earth?”  
  
Iris looked unconvinced.  
  
“Just… think of it as an investigation,” he suggested. “For a young female abductee?”  
  
Iris’ face softened. “All right. Just _—_ don’t pretend to be my husband without my knowledge ever again.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Barry promised.

“Lord knows you’d be lost without my help, anyway,” Iris muttered as she looked at her watch. “If you’re going to maintain your cover, we’d better get going. You’re in enough trouble with my dad as it is. Do you guys hate each other on your Earth, too?”

Barry looked at her incredulously. “Joe and I hate each other?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Earth 2 Iris is a saucy minx I wish we got to see more of <3 :*


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I've been working hard on this chapter, trying to get it right. 
> 
> Let's assume for the purposes of this story that E2 Joe didn't die. That was really hard on everyone, and they've been going through enough. Also, friendly reminder that they don't know Jay is bad yet...

There were plenty of times in her life when Iris was beyond thrilled to see Barry: when he came home from college for the first time, when he woke up after his coma, when he managed to escape the Singularity. Still, Iris wasn’t sure if she’d ever been as happy to see him as the moment he came barreling back through the breach with Harry in tow.

The relief was short lived. She should have known better than to think everything would go off without a hitch. Chaos was becoming inevitable in their lives.

Before anyone knew what was happening, a black-gloved hand was piercing through Jay’s chest. Caitlin was crying out for him. Then she was shaking, repeating, “He’s not dead, this isn’t happening,” over and over again until Cisco led her gently from the room.

Iris’ heart ached for their friend. The horror of watching someone die – someone for whom you care deeply – was a feeling she knew all too well. Iris couldn’t imagine how empty Jay’s death must have left Caitlin feeling. It was the second time the young doctor had lost someone so close to her.

Out of concern, Barry decided to stay with Cisco to watch over their friend. Knowing that Caitlin would be in good hands, Iris returned to her apartment. There wasn’t much more she could offer by sticking around.

“Will you come by, later?” She asked Barry before she left.

He nodded. “I will, yeah.”

She threaded her arms under his and pressed her hands against his back. She needed to feel his heart beating through his chest before she could work up the will to let him out of her sight.

At home, she waited impatiently. The minutes felt like hours, the hours felt like days. She paced back and forth in her living room, occasionally tidying and rearranging her belongings. She couldn’t think clearly enough to find an activity with which to occupy herself. All she wanted was for Barry to come through her front door so that she could wrap her arms around him again.

Just as she was considering getting ready for bed, she heard a tentative knock at the door. She swung it open to find him on the other side, leaning against the door frame with one arm over his head. He looked like he needed the support to keep standing. His breath was laboured, as if he’d run a marathon with no superpowers.

“Bear,” she said, her voice trembling faintly with concern.

He stumbled forward as the door swung shut behind him, transferring his weight from the door frame to her. He hugged her tightly. She welcomed the embrace, burrowing her nose into the soft grey sweater that covered his chest.

“How is Caitlin?” She asked into his ribs.

He shook his head as he released her. “Not good.”

Iris nodded in empathy.

“I can't believe Jay is dead,” he said quietly. “Another person, just -- gone.”

Iris shook her head, sharing his disbelief. “Life is so precious,” she reflected, reaching for his hand and grasping it gently.

“It really is,” he whispered as he threaded his fingers through hers.

“Makes you want to savour it all,” she mused. “Make every moment count.”

Their eyes met, locking with an unfamiliar heat. It stirred something deep inside of her. “Yeah,” he breathed. “It does.”

She nodded as his face drew nearer, the gentle caress of his breath fanning over her lips. Their noses touched hesitantly. The intensity between them was like a buildup of static electricity waiting for discharge.

“Iris?” Barry asked.

“Yeah, Bear?”

“Did you mean what you said... before I left?”

“Every word,” she affirmed.

His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed. He looked like he wanted to say something. She waited for him to speak.

“Will you — tell me again?” He asked cautiously. “I need to hear you say it.”

Iris inhaled. The words threatened to stick in her throat, but thankfully she was more sure of her feelings this time. “I want to be with you,” she said.

He nodded and placed his forehead against hers.

There was another set of words threatening to escape Iris’ throat. They spilled onto her tongue just before she realized how hard and how long she’d been holding them back. She realized as she spoke them, that it was the most natural thing in the world. She could hardly think why she hadn’t said it sooner.

“I love you, Barry.”

It hung there for what seemed like eternity while she waited for him to react. Finally, his eyes fluttered open. A gigantic grin broke across his face. He blinked bashfully, his eyes glistening.

“I love you,” he declared definitively. “I’ve never stopped loving you.”

He hastily bent his knees and hoisted her up by her bottom. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he hitched her up to his hips. She bent her face down and pressed her lips on his.

They kissed feverishly as he walked her to the bedroom. In no time at all, he reached the edge of the mattress and stumbled slightly. She expected him to set her down, but he simply continued to hold her, as if she was something precious he couldn’t quite bring himself to let go.

Sensing his hesitancy, she drew back to study him. His eyes were searching her intensely, asking for everything while saying nothing. She knew what it was he was seeking.

In the past few months, Iris had been agonizing. Not only because of her grief but also because she felt that circumstances were driving a wedge between her and her best friend. She missed the ease of conversation they used to share, missed the intimacy developed over years of friendship. At this moment, she realized, she needed all of that and more.

“I want this,” she told him. “I want you.”

He kissed her deeply in acknowledgement and an excited hum escaped from deep in his throat. He broke the kiss with a gentle tug on her bottom lip. “I will love you,” he vowed in a low voice, “Like no one has ever loved you.”

Iris let out a soft cry. Maybe it was relief. Maybe it was anticipation. Whatever it was, she knew that his promise was as much an emotional statement as it was physical.

He laid her down on the mattress while she gazed up at him. She took in his swollen lips, flushed cheeks and heavy lids, the feeling of his eyes raking over her. This was a version of Barry she’d only ever dared to imagine, and only once caught a glimpse of after the incident in his bedroom.

His impatient fingers were unbuttoning her blouse and pushing the silk away from her shoulders. He peppered hot kisses across her collarbone as her skin was revealed. Her shirt was cast unceremoniously to the floor before he reached for his own, lifting it swiftly over his head.

Iris soaked in the taut form of his chest and trailed her fingers over the lean ridges of his abs, tracing the freckles down to the v of his hips. She realized she’d never truly appreciated what a nice body Barry had.

The look on his face was making her keenly aware of her own capability for seduction. He was surveying her like a painter marvelling at his latest work, and Iris couldn’t help but feel glamorous under his gaze. It was empowering.

Plotting his next brushstroke, he hooked a finger under her waistband, catching and releasing the buttons, peeling her jeans down her legs. With only one ankle still covered, he gripped her under the heel and tugged the fabric roughly away from her toes. Freed, she pressed the sole of her foot into the bare skin of his chest. His skin was hot to the touch.

His palm followed her calf to her thigh, then around the curve of her hips as he leaned forward over her. He kissed her belly, chest, neck, and finally her mouth where their lips connected hotly.

Part of her mind was racing, trying to figure out just how the man hovering over her, kissing her like she was the only woman in the world, was the same boy she’d defended from bullies on the playground. How was he the same Barry who’d stumbled awkwardly through the social pitfalls of high school? Then again, he _was_ the superhero who’d made her heart flutter uncontrollably when he visited her on the rooftop of Jitters.

Yielding to the sensation of kisses trailing down her neck, Iris abandoned her thoughts and focused on the present. The only thing she could really comprehend was that everything between them was exactly how it was supposed to be. She gave into it wholly, savouring the sensation of his hands on her skin as he reached around her back, unclasped her bra and ghosted his fingers across the bare mounds of her breasts.

“You’re so beautiful,” he sighed as he watched her nipples pebble beneath his touch.

Blood rushed to her cheeks. She opened her mouth to respond, but words evaded her. Instead, she reached to undo his fly and rid him of his jeans. He smirked as she did so, then climbed back over her.

The weight of him was soothing. Barry’s now obvious erection was rubbing through his boxers against the soft skin of her inner thigh. It was making her hot and bothered.

 _Bothered._ That was the feeling she’d been avoiding deconstructing. The truth was, she’d been bothered because she was hopelessly attracted to her best friend, her soulmate, her lifeline. Bothered because she wanted his skin on hers with nothing in between. Bothered because one accidental orgasm in a moment of weakness was not enough to express everything she was feeling for him.

She arched her back away from the mattress, pressing into him while he kissed her belly. He paused to worship her in places that made her moan as he gradually approached the edges of her underwear: sheer blue lace with strapping details that matched the already abandoned bra. With a smirk, he snapped the elastic strap, not hard, but enough to stimulate the skin beneath. “This is sexy,” he grinned.

Iris smiled back. Even when she’d dared to fantasize about him, she’d had a hard time picturing what kind of lover Barry would be, what would turn him on, what his kinks were. Moreover, it wasn’t like anyone had seen her naked recently. So when she’d been picking out lingerie, it was a choice based on what made her feel good. The fact that Barry liked it was a serendipitous bonus.

Then again, how much did he like it? Clearly not enough to keep him from hastily removing the last flimsy piece of fabric that covered her body.

Iris felt suddenly shy as her most intimate parts were exposed to the cool air of her bedroom. She sucked in a nervous breath closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them again, Barry was standing at the edge of the bed, doing away with his boxers. Iris made a small, strangled sound at the sight of his hardened length. She wasn’t expecting him to be so… long.

She sat up and reached forward to stroke him gently. He groaned at her touch, his eyes closing as his lips parted involuntarily. “Iris...” he hissed.

She smiled through the corners of her mouth and gripped him a little more firmly. She liked making him feel good. His knees buckled as she worked him. He knelt to the floor at the foot of the bed.

“Wait,” he choked as he placed his hand over hers. “Wait… I want to make you feel good.”

Iris pecked his lips sweetly. “I do feel good, Barry.”

“Yeah,” he whispered, “But I want to –“

Instead of finishing his sentence, he hooked his arms under her thighs and dragged her pelvis to the edge of the bed. Startled, Iris flopped back down to the mattress. A hot flush of blood rushed to her cheeks.

Barry ducked his head, kissing her inner thigh on one side, while massaging the other with his hand. His touch was delicate but firm, deliberate and methodical. He paused at the crook of her thighs and pelvis, where Iris felt the unmistakable wet hot pressure of his tongue. Her centre warmed and tingled as she pooled in anticipation.

 _God, where did he learn to do that?_ She wondered briefly as he lapped at her outer folds.

Deciding she was warmed up enough on that side, Barry switched to the other, teasing her in just the same way all over again. Iris squirmed under his ministrations, trying to relax her mind the way Barry was working on relaxing her body. As if sensing her conflict, he paused to look up at her, his mouth swollen and moist from their congress. “Let go, Iris,” he urged in a quiet, husky voice.

Her brows knitted as his lips returned to her cunt, parting her folds now with his tongue, finding that sweet bundle of nerves just under her clit and caressing her steadily and relentlessly. Iris purred with quiet sounds of approval.

The sensation was intense. Sure she’d received head before, but no one had ever actually made her come while doing it. Most guys treated it as an obligatory bit of foreplay, literal lip service, before the main event. This was different. Barry was different. He was totally focused and engrossed in her, and everything he was doing to her. He was even making small satisfied sounds in return to the involuntary cries she was now emitting as she writhed beneath him.

“Barry?” She managed to gasp as he latched onto her clit and sucked.

“Mmhmm?”

“I – uahh – I’m gonna – I’m gonna cum.” She clutched the sheets beneath her in tight fists, as her body began to seize.

His response was just a short, “Mhm,” but he pulled her by the thighs towards him, easing her legs over his shoulders as he pressed deeper into her pussy. Only then did his tongue slide faster and more firmly into her. It was clear he was determined to make her crest.

Blood throbbed forcefully through her center and she peaked with a cry. Her muscles seized and convulsed against his tongue. Iris was sure he’d be able to feel the rhythm of her orgasm. As the pounding waves of pleasure subsided, he continued to lap slowly, gently working her down from the pinnacle.

“Oh my God,” she whispered into the still air of her bedroom. The ceiling stared down at her. Or was she staring down at it? She couldn’t tell.

Barry got to his feet, then lay down beside her, looking very pleased with himself. He was still very rosy cheeked, still very erect. “Good?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Iris breathed as she shuffled up the mattress so that they could lie together.

He smiled lazily and leaned into kiss her. The taste of her was still on his lips. She wondered out loud if he minded.

“Are you serious?” Barry asked with a sly grin.

“I don’t know,” she replied shyly.

“Iris, I’ve been wanting to do that to you ever since I found out what oral sex was.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“What else have you been wanting to do?” She ventured to ask as she trailed a finger between his pecs.

“A lot of things,” he groaned, pressing his lips to hers again, and teasing her mouth open with his tongue. His hand found her hip and pulled their bodies together. She sunk lazily back into the mattress as their tongues melded, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him over her.

He didn’t need very much encouragement. Soon he was kneeling between her legs, the length of him brushing against her still wet folds.

“Like what?” Iris pressed.

Barry sucked at the pressure point on her neck while she reached down to trace her fingers lightly over his cock.

He growled softly. “Everything. I’ve been wanting to make you come, over and over again, in every possible way, in every possible position.”

Iris whimpered as the blood rushed to her cheeks and core. Who was this man with the filthy mouth? “I don’t usually come more than once,” She confessed bashfully, ignoring the signs that her body was raring to go again.

Barry’s eyes latched with hers, and he reached up to stroke her cheek. “We’ll see,” he said simply, undiscouraged.

He straightened up for a minute and took his cock from her hand. “Is this okay?” He asked, as he positioned himself at her entrance.

“Yes,” she responded breathlessly.

He teased her briefly with his tip, before sinking all the way in. He let out a low groan as he slid up to her hilt. Iris’ eyes widened at the sensation of him filling her completely. They were still for a moment, revelling in the feeling. The pressure was amazing.

There was no going back now. They’d crossed that final line. A burst of emotion was welling in Iris’ chest. Her eyes prickled with the stinging formation of tears. They’d never be just friends again. Then again, was that all they had ever been?

Barry leaned forward to capture Iris’ lips with his own. She hadn’t noticed her mouth was hanging open until he did so. He kissed her while he tilted his hips, gently and slowly rocking into her. He slid a hand under the small of her back and held her close.

“I love you,” he whispered in her ear.

A tear streamed out of the side of her eye.

“I’ve always loved you,” he continued, pressing into her again.

A knot was forming in Iris’ throat. She was trying to hold back. She didn’t want to cry. Not when they were making love.

He raised his free hand to her cheek and wiped the tear away as he guided their undulating hips. “And you love me, too,” he filled in her silence.

“I do,” she murmured quietly, clutching him close and burrowing into his shoulder, tracing her lips over his collarbone.

He nodded his head against her neck, still rocking her deeply. “Then, let go,” he whispered, grabbing her hand and placing it over her head as he thrust a little harder. “Just give in,” he goaded, threading his fingers between hers and pressing her hand flat into the mattress. “I’ve got you.”

How could she resist him when he talked to her like that? She hooked her legs around his, locking their bodies together while they followed a sublime rhythm. Finally, Iris found her state of bliss. The world fell away and there was nothing but the two of them. She was no longer sure where he ended and she began, nor did she care. All she wanted was to do was make love to him like this forever.

Steadily they climbed, until their skin glistened and their blood rushed. Iris was overwhelmed. She’d never expected it to be this amazing between them.

“Bear,” she cried.

His movements were growing unapologetic. “Yeah?”

“Harder,” she dared to whisper.

He obliged.

She was edging now, and if his rigid dick was any indication, so was he. Her toes curled as a warm, intense waves rippled through her body. For the second time that evening, her muscles seized and throbbed with the heat of her blood, but this time she felt it everywhere. She gasped loudly and clutched him close as he quickened his thrusts.

“Iris–“ he moaned. “God, you make me so hot.”

“Yeah?” She egged him on.

“Yeah.”

“Come for me,” she said softly into his ear.

He shook. A low grunt escaped his chest. She could feel his cock twitch as he spilled into her. He kissed her with a long, sweet kiss. His mouth was hot and wet, their bodies much the same. He clutched her closely, unwilling to let go, sucking gently on the warm skin of her neck.

They stayed entwined, panting, trying to catch their breaths.

“So much more than a muscle spasm,” Iris thought aloud after a minute.

Barry gave a confused chuckle. “What?” He asked as he raised his head.

She couldn’t help but giggle. He collapsed beside her, watching her carefully.

“Do you remember,” she asked, “When we were kids, and you told me what an orgasm was?”

He grabbed her hand in his and kissed it as he searched his memory. “Did I?” He asked honestly.

“We were like thirteen… we were studying for biology class…”

A look of recognition passed over Barry’s face, “Oh, you mean that time you interrogated me about if I’d ever had one?”

Iris blushed, and hit him softly on the shoulder with the back of her hand. “Hey, I didn’t know what I was asking. I didn’t know much of anything back then. I was just curious. You told me it was like a muscle spasm, and cut the conversation short.”

Barry laughed, his smile beaming wide. “I had to. Pretty sure you made me almost come just asking me about it,” he confessed.

“Really?” Iris asked, bewildered.

“C’mon Iris, it can’t be that much of a surprise. I’d just hit puberty, had no control whatsoever over my body and my crush was asking me about orgasms.”

Iris giggled again. It was nice to be joking around. She’d missed this kind of levity. “How did you even know what they were?”

Barry blushed. “Well, uh — a couple dreams about kissing you, some midnight laundry and a really, _really_ awkward chat with Joe was kind of an eye opener.”

“Oh no,” Iris laughed. “I’m so sorry. Did he know what you were dreaming about?”

“I didn’t tell him that part, no.”

“I guess not, since you’re still alive.”

“Looking back, something tells me he might have had his suspicions.”

Iris laughed then nodded. For a moment she almost forgot she was lying naked in her bed with her best friend of so many years. Then Barry leaned over her and kissed her. She opened her eyes while his lips were still on hers. She savoured the sensation of being so close. Lord, did it ever feel right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!
> 
> Iris is still having a bit of trouble opening up to him fully, but she just needs some time.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit, these two kind of got away from me here. 
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> Hope it is still a fun read :)

When Barry woke in the morning, Iris was curled over his chest. He smiled and squeezed her close. She stirred, nuzzling into him, but didn’t wake.

His heart was full. Everything he’d ever wanted, he held in his arms. He savoured the moment and the sense of elation ballooning in his chest.

His belly rumbled loudly. He was also hungry.

They’d expended a lot of energy the night before, and he hadn’t had so much as a snack before they fell asleep. Careful not to wake her, he shifted sideways out of bed, pulled on his boxers and t-shirt and crept to the kitchen.

He found some cereal in the cupboard and milk in the fridge, but not much else. A measly bowl of muesli wasn’t going to cut it this morning. He needed supplies. With what little caloric energy he had left, he zipped to the grocery store and back again.

Pancakes were in order, and lots of bacon with maple syrup drizzled on top. Coffee of course, and strawberries, too. He would melt some chocolate over the fruit to make something Iris would really enjoy.

He hummed as he danced around Iris’ tiny kitchen, cooking a breakfast fit for a queen. There wasn’t much room to manoeuvre, but he didn’t mind. There was nothing that could bring down his spirit.

Just as he flipped the final pancakes out of the pan and poked the sizzling bacon around, he heard the soft tread of bare feet behind him. He turned to see a sleepy Iris shuffling out of the bedroom. She was wearing an oversized sweatshirt, a pair of hot pink cotton undies and little else. Barry admired how sexy she looked as she approached him with a soft smile.

“Good morning,” he said cheerfully.

“Morning,” she hummed in reply. “What’s all this?”

He grinned broadly. “I thought I’d make you breakfast.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist and smiled as she looked up at him. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, we’ve got some pancakes, bacon, chocolate covered strawberries...”

Iris’ eyes scanned the countertop where he was arranging their meal. She looked stunned, as if she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing. “Wow, Bear. This is… really nice.”

He kissed her forehead. “You deserve nice things. And I thought you might be hungry when you woke up. I know I was.”

Iris reached forward and dipped her finger into the bowl of leftover melted chocolate, before licking the remnants from her finger. Barry watched with a dazed look, instantly turned on.

Aware he was watching her, she turned to him with an expectant, “What?”

He shook his head, unable to wipe the smile from his face. “Nothing -- it’s nothing. I just. Everything is almost ready. Here. Why don’t you sit down? I’ll bring you a plate.”

Iris surveyed him with a glint in her eye. “Okay,” she agreed as she walked to the tiny breakfast table that served as her dining area.

Barry had already laid out the place settings, including a cheerful daisy in a water glass placed in the middle of the table. He caught her smile when she saw it. She touched a finger to the petals like she was making sure it was really there.

He grinned to himself, happy to have the chance to spoil her.

“Coffee?” He asked.

“Please.” She reached her hands up over her shoulders in a stretch as she yawned and settled into her chair.

He filled a mug and brought it over to her.

“You should be careful, Barry Allen,” Iris teased. “A girl could get used to this.”

“Maybe I want you to get used to it,” he suggested, as he finished adding food to their plates. He tried to be nonchalant about it, but he knew his meaning wasn’t lost on her.

She watched him quietly as he brought the plates to the table, setting her’s down before his. On her plate, he’d arranged the strawberries in a little heart on top of the pancakes, and filled it in with bacon. She giggled when she saw it. “This is cute,” she remarked, while he grabbed his coffee from the counter.

He blushed and smiled, then joined her at the table.

“All right,” he grinned, rubbing his hands together. “Let’s eat.”

Iris grabbed her mug and raised it towards him. “Cheers.”

He beamed brightly, mirroring her motion and clinking their mugs together. “Cheers.”

Barry tried not to eat too quickly. It was hard to resist. He was starving, but he wanted to enjoy the moment. They’d made sweet love the night before and now they were sharing breakfast. It was a dream come true.

“This is really good,” Iris said, after finishing the first pancake. “The bacon with the maple syrup is a great combo.”

“Glad you like it,” he replied.

“And the pancakes… so fluffy! How do you do that?”

Barry shrugged. “Lots of love.”

She sipped her coffee thoughtfully. “Mine never turn out like that,” she said wistfully.

They were silent while they ate, mostly because they were both hungry.

It wasn’t until Iris finished her meal and set her cutlery neatly on the plate that she spoke again. “So,” she began, hesitantly. “Last night was… pretty intense.”

Barry was aware that he probably looked like the cat who got the cream, but he wasn’t going to try to hide it. “Mhmm,” he hummed smugly.

Iris took another sip from her mug.

He could tell by the look on her face that the wheels in her mind were turning at full speed. Something about that look made his chest palpated in concern. He leaned forward over the table, his face turning serious. “Look, Iris, last night was amazing.”

She stared back at him. “Really? It wasn’t just in my head?”

“No, not at all. It was… the absolute best.”

She nodded, somewhat sadly. “For me, too.”

“So… why do I get the feeling you’re about to cry?” Barry asked.

Iris breathed deeply. “I’m not, I just --” even as she protested, tears were welling in her eyes.

Barry reached for her hand.

“I’m just a little overwhelmed,” she continued. “This is big. Me and you.”

He nodded, stroking her hand with his thumb. “Yeah it is,” he reassured her. “But that’s not a bad thing.”

“No,” she agreed. “I don’t mean that it is. I’m just feeling a lot of things right now. What’s this going to be like? We’ve always been best friends. And you’ve been aware of your feelings for me for so long. What if this doesn’t turn out to be what you imagined? What if I’m not everything you hoped for?”

Barry swallowed. It had never occurred to Barry that Iris might be hesitant to begin a new kind of relationship because she was afraid he’d reject her. It had never occurred to him because he knew that if she ever gave him the chance to love her that would be it for him. But she didn’t know that. Not for certain, he realized.

“Iris… that’s so silly, that would never happen. It’s not like I was pining for you from afar. We grew up under the same roof. I know everything about you. You’re the person I love most in this world. And we’re still best friends. We’re just… more than that now, too.”

Iris looked up at him tears streaming down her face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he reached a hand to her cheek to wipe away the tears. “You know they say the best romantic partnerships are ones where the couple also sees themselves as friends.”

Iris managed a smile through her tears.

“And if last night was any indication,” Barry smiled suggestively, “We’ve got the romance part down.”

She laughed a little then wiped her eyes. “So… we’re a couple?”

Barry scooched his chair beside her, held her by both hands and gazed at her steadily. “Iris, nothing in this world would make me happier than to say that we are, but I want you to want that, too. I don’t want to force you into something if you’re not ready. I know it’s been a hard year.”

Iris shook her head. She looked like she was struggling for air.

Barry’s chest tightened waiting for her to speak. He braced himself for impact. Was she going to shoot him down? He’d offered her an out, but he was praying that she wouldn’t take it.

“I am,” she said, finally. “I am ready. I meant it when I said I wanted to be with you. I didn’t just mean sex.”

Instantly, the tightness in his chest relaxed.

“I’ve been thinking about you, every day, for so long now,” she continued. “Maybe since you told me you loved the first time. Maybe longer than that -- since you were struck by lightning. I just… couldn’t get my head around what that meant. I didn’t realize that I loved you, too. That I have loved you, all along.”

His heart fluttered. He rushed forward to press his lips against hers, held her cheeks in his palms while their lips played a steady game of catch and release. The sweet and salty taste of breakfast was still on her tongue. Barry didn’t mind in the slightest.

When they were both breathless, he rested his forehead against hers and stroked her jaw with his thumb.

“Maybe we should do something normal couples do,” Iris thought aloud. “Maybe we should go on a date.”

Barry chuckled. “Iris West, I would love to take you on a date.” He kissed her again.

She grinned. “How about tomorrow? Around 7?”

“I’ll be here to pick you up.”

“K,” she voiced, catching his lips with hers again.

She reached forward to thread her fingers through his hair, deepening their embrace. Barry replied with his hands around her back. At this, she shifted forward out of her chair.

Iris climbed on top of him, draping her legs seductively around his hips, finding a place for each limb on either side of the small kitchen chair.

A quiet, but pleasantly surprised, “Oh,” escaped Barry’s lips.

She silenced him briefly with a kiss, then drew back. Heat was flickering in her eyes.

He waited with bated breath for her next move.

Gracefully, she reached for the hem of her sweatshirt and pulled it up over her head.

Barry heaved a deep breath at the sight of topless Iris. At that moment, the rational, thinking part of his brain left on vacation, leaving behind the part of him that was driven only by instinct and need.

He clutched either side of her waist and trailed a palm up over her ribs. When his hand reached the round underside of her breast, he cupped it softly, stroking the outer edge with his thumb.

“These are… so perfect,” he breathed huskily.

Iris giggled and started to say, “Glad you like th—” before he leaned forward to take a nipple in his mouth. She gasped softly at the sensation.

Barry loved the way her body responded to him. Her nipple hardened immediately at the touch of his lips. He squeezed the mound gently with his fingers and flicked the tiny pebble with his tongue, enjoying the noises she made in response.

With his other hand, he rubbed the small of her back, coaxing her further forward into him.

Her pelvis was grinding maddeningly against his already erect length. He thought about the few flimsy pieces of fabric that separated him from her. He desperately wanted to rip them away.

“God, Iris,” he breathed into her chest, “I don’t know if I can wait until our date.”

Iris chuckled. “Who said anything about waiting?”

He groaned at this revelation and bucked his hips up into her, before reaching for her mouth with his lips. “I just assumed that you -- Ohh.”

She’d slipped a hand under the waistband of his boxers and started to stroke him.

“That feels good,” he whispered hoarsely.

Iris smirked, then shifted off of him. With a sultry gaze, she pulled his boxers from his hips and knelt before him. She wrapped her fingers around his shaft, flicking her wrist slowly, tantalizingly, watching him as his mouth fell open. With a flutter of her eyelashes, she ducked her head towards his groin and encircled him with her mouth.

Barry made a slight choking noise. His mind raced to keep up with his senses. Under normal circumstances, his brain processed at a mile a second, but this... this broke his brain. He’d be lying if he said it wasn’t one of the many Iris-centric fantasies he’d had over the years, but it wasn’t his default either. Somehow, whenever he dreamed of being intimate with her, he tended to focus on her pleasure. That was what got him off.

Her eyes met his as she checked to see if he was enjoying it. The instinctual side of him took over. “Mmm, Iris,” he hummed. “That feels amazing.”

She paused briefly to smile, then sunk her lips down over him again. She caressed him steadily with her mouth and tongue, sucking gently, nodding down and up, down and then up again.

Her eyes fluttered upwards occasionally to meet his. When they did, he nodded in response, urging her on. Her mouth was hot and wet, and he groaned as her movements urged the blood to surge through him. “Iris…” he groaned, “Oh god.”

Her tongue was following the large vein on the underside of his length, up to his tip, where she flicked him in a lush movement.

His dick twitched threateningly. He didn’t want to come yet. He wanted to be inside her.

Grabbing her elbow, he pulled her up. “C’mere,” he said, bringing her to straddle him again.

His hands wrapped around her, one resting flat between her shoulder blades, the other clutching at the small of her back. He mouthed sloppy kisses across her chest, collarbone and neck. She arched into him, rocking her hips and rubbing once again at his length.

All that separated them now were those damn pink cotton panties. Impatiently, he pulled them roughly aside, exposing her cunt. She was already wet for him. He slipped his hand beneath her and touched a finger to her clit, rubbing softly in slow, steady movements.

Iris sounded a low, “Unh” in response to his touch.

“God, you’re so wet,” he whispered.

“Yes, oh...” She bucked forward as he hit a particularly sensitive spot. “Right there.”

Her hips jolted against his hand as he teased her. She flicked her hair to the side and tilted her neck while he sucked on the soft skin of her pressure point. She was moaning softly, and it was driving him crazy.

“Barry?”

“Yeah?”

“Inside. Now.”

He didn’t waste any time. He didn’t even bother to take her panties off properly. He simply wrested them far enough over that he was able to slide his cock into her centre.

Their eyes met as he sunk into her.

“I love you,” he reminded her.

Iris nodded, her hips wriggling as she adjusted to taking all of him. “Love you,” she panted.

An audible “Oh,” escaped her lips as he hit her cervix.

She leaned forward to suck at his neck, touching hot kisses under his ear and down to his shoulder. Her legs folded up around him, and she hooked her toes inside his knees. The pose gave her leverage to lift herself up, before sinking back down on him. She was building a rhythm that Barry was only too happy to follow until he found himself just wanting to let her ride him.

“God you’re so hot,” he hissed, as he relaxed back into the chair and let her take control.

Iris keened at his words.

She alternated between kissing his neck and jaw or just holding tightly to his shoulders.

The friction her movements were creating was divine. Barry felt like he’d waited all his life for this, for everything that had happened between them in the last twelve hours. He wanted it to last forever. He wanted to marry her and make love to her for the rest of his life. He wanted to make her breakfast the morning after every romp, then do it all over again.

Iris was getting close. He could tell from the growing volume of her vocalizations and the increasingly jagged cadence of her hips.

“That’s it,” he urged, pulling the twisted panties further, as his hand clenched in pleasure. The distinct sound of fabric tearing ripped through the room.

Iris gave a pleasant yelp.

He hadn’t realized he was doing it, but he’d managed to tear the underwear right off of her.

He blinked at the pitiful garment in his hand before dropping it to the floor and bucking his hips up into her as a result of his excitement.

He threaded his fingers up the side of her throat, holding her behind the ears while placing his thumb firmly on her jaw. He wanted to see her face when she climaxed.

“Does that feel good?” He asked in a low rumble, picking up on her rhythm once again with his hips, and adding his own thrusts back into the mix.

“Ah,” she cried, her brows knitting and eyes closing. “Yes.”

“I want you to feel good. I want you to come. I want to watch you come, Iris.”

Her hips rolled powerfully against his. The chair creaked and groaned beneath them.

Finally, her thighs clenched against him. He could feel her walls seizing around his shaft. But it was the look of pure ecstasy on her face that sent him tumbling right after her, throbbing hot streams into her core.

They clutched at one another, sweaty and satiated.

Iris burrowed her face into his neck and giggled.

“What could you possibly be laughing at?” Barry asked, though her amusement was contagious.

“I’m not laughing,” she denied.

He fixed her with an unconvinced stare as she pulled back to look at him.

She sighed, relenting with a smile. “I never would have guessed that my sweet, cute, nerd would be such a talker.”

He grinned wide.

Iris continued to laugh, her belly rumbling merrily against his. “It’s hot,” she whispered, nuzzling into his neck.

“Mmm, good. Because there’s more where that came from. And I plan to get you talking, too.” He grazed his teeth along her shoulder, and pulled her hips hard against him as he thought about it, causing her to gasp.

“I’m kind of shy about that,” she said softly, recovering.

A memory of Earth 2 Iris flashed in his mind. It was like a window into another world of possible extracurricular activities for them. It made her bashfulness hard to believe. His instincts told him that somewhere under that self-conscious guise there was a minx-like goddess, dying to get out.

Barry searched her eyes, as if he’d find his answer there. “You don’t have to be shy with me, Iris,” he told her.

She nodded and pressed a sensual kiss to his lips, in a silent promise that she’d consider it.

They stilled after a minute, revelling in the aftermath of their pleasure, save for the gentle caress of Barry’s hands at her back.

“I should have a shower,” Iris said after a moment, breaking the silence.

“Mhmm,” Barry murmured. “A shower sounds great.”

Without hesitation, he hooked his arms under her bum and got to his feet, walking them to the washroom without ever causing their bodies to separate.

Iris laughed loudly and slapped his shoulders in mock protest. “Put me down,” she feigned.

“Nope,” he replied, as he wrenched on the shower faucet. “Not yet.”

He stepped them over the lip of the tub and pressed Iris back into the cool tile of the shower wall. She shivered in his arms until he reached with one hand for the shower head and turned the warm stream of water towards her.

Only then, when her body was covered in streams of water droplets, did he set her down.

“Let me help you wash up,” he said.

She nodded, folding her hands behind the small of her back. That fiery look was returning to her orb-like eyes.

Barry smirked. _There it is._ He knew there was more where that came from.

He reached for a bar of soap: mint and rosemary by the scent of it. So that’s why she always smells so good.

He touched the bar to her shoulder then rubbed it slowly across the skin of her chest, following the trail of lather with his other hand.

Iris’ eyes closed as he grazed her breasts, her nipples growing taut again under his touch. God, this was fun.

After washing her belly, he placed a hand under the crook of her knee and began to lift. She responded immediately, lifting her leg and resting her foot on the edge of the tub behind him. He trailed the bar along the inside of her thigh, rubbing gently on either side of her leg, splashing water where the evidence of their earlier lovemaking remained. He repeated the ritual with the other leg, before allowing his fingers to venture closer to the juncture of her thighs.

Delicately, he caught the streaming water in his hand and rinsed her gently, teasing at her outer folds under the guise of washing up. Iris’ mouth parted in response to his touch.

“Barry,” she whispered.

He made a gentle hum in his throat as he watched her face relax. “You know,” he said in a hushed tone, “I lied earlier when I said I knew everything about you.”

Iris’ eyes flickered open with a puzzled look on her face.

“I’ve still yet to learn the best parts,” he sibilated, parting her folds with a finger. “What you like. What turns you on.”

Iris let go of a heavy breath as he pressed further, slipping two fingers inside of her.

“You seem to – be doing – fine,” she gasped quietly as he pushed and pulled languidly.

“Yeah,” he whispered, clutching at the skin beneath her ear with his mouth, “But I want to know everything. Everything that makes you feel good. Everything you’ve ever fantasized about.”

“Hunnh,” she moaned.

The plush feeling of her around his fingers was making him hard again. She writhed a little at his touch. It was driving him crazy.

“Tell me, Iris,” he teased quietly. “When was the last time you touched yourself?”

A heated choke caught in her throat and she pressed her eyes shut tightly. The ridges of her sheath warmed around his touch, but she wasn’t ready to share with him yet.

He continued in steady movements all while sucking at her neck. “Please,” he entreated her, his dick twitching against the soft skin inside her thigh. “Please, tell me.”

She whimpered. “I – I…”

“Yeah?”

“After you made me come – in your room.”

Barry could hardly believe his ears. Much to his surprise, he began to feel the length of his shaft grow rigid.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I missed you. I wanted – I wanted to have sex with you. I wanted to come to your lab at work and shove you back against the desk and …”

“And?”

“I wanted to suck you off.”

Barry groaned. He pumped his fingers a little faster inside of her.

He seemingly had tapped a waterfall, because Iris kept going.

“I wanted you to pin me against the pillar and slide your cock into me.”

“No,” Barry breathed. He meant yes, but his brain wasn’t working. God this was too good to be true. The last time Iris had touched herself, she’d been fantasizing about _him_.

He pulled his fingers out of her. Barry wrested her up by her hips, and plunged into her. “Like this?” He asked.

She nodded, breathlessly. “How are you… how are you hard again already?” She seemed dazed.

“Speed healing -- no refractory period,” he half-grinned, half-grunted.

“Oh,” she moaned.

“Did you come Iris? Did you come thinking about me?” He asked, thrusting up into her.

“Oh God Barry,” she cried. “Yes… yes I came.”

Her skin was hot against his. Her walls were tight around his length. He wanted her closer. He reached his arm around the small of her back and drew her flush with his skin as he thrust.

“Iris, you’re so fucking hot,” he groaned. It wasn’t going to take him long. He could already feel the pressure building in his tip. He wasn’t sure how far off she was, but he needed to make her come before he did.

He was going to try something. Something he’d never tried before. At least, not on purpose.

With excruciating effort, he focused his mind.

Then, with all the precision he could muster, he vibrated the part of him that was sheathed inside her.

Iris let out the sexiest sound he’d ever heard. It was a combination of his name and some universal sex noise. Her walls clenched around him, throbbing, pulsating just as he too came with a violent spasm, emptying himself into her.

“Fuck,” she whispered, breathlessly.

Barry grinned as he released his hold on her and she slid off of him. “Language, West,” he teased, as she tried to find her footing.

Her knees buckled under her, and she slid down the wall to sit on the shower floor. 

Barry joined her, kissing her sweetly before wrapping his arms around her. “Guess we should get cleaned up for real this time.”

↯

Barry’s phone startled him out of a half-asleep daze. He and Iris had gone back to bed in the interest of cuddling directly after their shower.

“Mmm what is it?” Iris groaned, her arm wrapping around his waist, trying to pull him back to bed as he checked his phone.

“Cisco.” Barry replied. “Diggle and Lyla are at S.T.A.R. Labs. They want to talk to me. It’s urgent, apparently.” He sighed reluctantly. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”

“I’m coming with you,” Iris said, throwing the sheets back and rushing to her closet to grab a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

“Are you sure?” He asked before speeding around the room to collect his clothes. “You don’t have to. I know it’s your day off.”

“Haven’t I been spending most of my days off at S.T.A.R. Labs anyway?” She smiled.

Barry couldn’t resist her.

He sped them to the Cortex, arriving with a gush of wind that sent papers flying everywhere.

“We really need to get some paperweights or somethin’.” Cisco remarked.

He, Caitlyn, Diggle and Lyla were clustered around the main console.

“Hey guys,” Barry greeted them, maybe a little too cheerfully. “Digg, Lyla, what are you guys doing here? Cisco said you wanted to talk?”

Out of the corner of his eye he caught Cisco eyeing Iris suspiciously before turning to Barry and giving him a once over, like something was wrong with his appearance. Barry ignored him while Lyla explained that King Shark had pulled a _Free Willy._

“I thought he was dead?” Barry asked.

“That’s what we wanted you to think when A.R.G.U.S. picked him up. But he’s very much alive. And while he was in our our custody he kept repeating one thing: ‘Zoom wants the Flash dead’. He’s coming for you Barry.”

“Let him come,” Barry scoffed. Not even a giant man shark could shake him today.

“We’re going to need a bigger Flash,” Cisco mused doubtfully.

The team spent some time analyzing King Shark’s movements and preparing for different scenarios. Once a few plans were in the works, they split up. Iris agreed to alert her dad, and left for CCPD. Caitlyn went to go talk to King Shark’s wife. Lyla and Diggle headed back to A.R.G.U.S.

When Barry and Cisco were the only two left in the Cortex, Cisco gave Barry the side-eye.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Barry asked.

Cisco narrowed his eyes in scrutiny. “Why is your face doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“That thing… where you look like Christmas came early,” Cisco pondered.

“I don’t look like anything,” Barry protested.

“Yes you do,” Cisco argued, before launching into a stream of consciousness monologue. “Last time you looked like that you’d time travelled for the first time, erasing a timeline where I died, but you kissed Iris; then when you got back, you had it in your head that she wanted to be with you, even though she didn’t, and today you arrived here together, both of your hair looks a little messed up, and you’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday, only they’re very wrinkled. Oh my God --”

Barry quickly looked over his shoulders, making sure that no one else was around, before shushing Cisco aggressively.

“You guys had _sex_ ,” Cisco tried to whisper, but he might as well have shouted it.

Barry blushed furiously, and hanging his head and clasping both of his hands around the back of his neck. “Cisco -- please, a little discretion.”

“You’re not denying it. Oh my God, this is huge. So I guess you figured out how to control your powers, huh? Oh my God! I hadn’t even thought of what kind of control we might be talking about and now I can’t get the image out of my head. I’m going to need therapy. Are we gonna have little speedsters running around here? What even are the genetics of that? Are your powers a dominant or recessive gene? We should ask Caitlin.”

“Cisco… CISCO!” Barry tried desperately to quiet his friend. “Please. I shouldn’t even be saying anything.”

Cisco finally shut his mouth.

“Look… I’m not confirming anything. But if something were to occur, I would want to make sure she’s okay with it before we start telling people. And were we to tell people, the first person we’d need to tell is Joe and -- Oh no -- how am I going to tell Joe?”

Cisco’s face turned as pale as Barry’s felt. “Yeah that’s going to be a tough one. Telling your adopted dad that you’re banging his daughter.”

“Ugh c’mon man, we’re not banging,” Barry denied, turning away from the engineer. “We … made love,” he said, softly so that Cisco almost didn’t hear him.

Cisco put his hands over his ears and sang a series of la-la-las. “TMI,” he exclaimed.

“You asked,” Barry retorted, rolling his eyes and leaning against the back of the console.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and sighed, looking at his shoes.

“I’ve wanted this forever, Cisco,” Barry admitted longingly.

“I know you have,” Cisco replied, turning serious. “I’m happy for you. You guys have something special. You always have.”

Barry nodded. “I feel like the luckiest man alive. I don’t want to screw it up. Please, for the love of science, don’t tell anyone that you know.”

Cisco zipped his mouth and made a motion like he was throwing away the key. “Your secret is safe with me.”


End file.
